True Love ::SEQUEL TO CLOSER::
by renegadedrow2
Summary: Dir en grey fic: Recovering from their trauma, Dir en grey gets ready to get back to work, until strange things begin happening after Die's new girlfriend comes into the picture. DiexToshiya, KyoxShinya
1. Chapter 1

Toshiya stared jealously at Die and his new girlfriend, leaning against each other, trying to speak with each other. Her name was Sarah and she was a foreigner Die had met two weeks earlier, and unfortunately she spoke barely any Japanese and Die wasn't exactly fluent in English. Most of the time Toshiya would sit there in amusement and watch them try to communicate with hand gestures and mispronounced words in both languages, but this time Toshiya found no amusement in watching the two—all he felt was jealously.

They sat in the two private rooms in the back of the bar they frequented. Kaoru, Shinya and Kyo were in the other room while he was stuck with Die and Sarah. Thinking about Kyo and Shinya frustrated him, even though it was wonderful that they were together, Toshiya had always wanted to be with Die and seeing two people so different come together as they did, it made Toshiya wonder why he and Die couldn't be with each other.  
He didn't know how long he felt this way about Die, but he, at a point, had realized it would never happened, no matter how much he wished it to be true, he knew that Die would never love him anymore than a friend. After realizing such Toshiya forced himself to avoid thinking about Die and forget about his feelings and move on, and he had almost done such until they had found out about Kyo and Shinya, and the fact that they had were seeing each other only filled Toshiya with hope—probably false hopes, but hopes nonetheless.

Die leaned over and kissed Sarah on the cheek. Toshiya bit his lower lip and forced himself to look away for a moment, his heart hurting as he saw the display before him. Every time he saw Die get close with the American girl it felt as though his heart were being ripped in two. He sighed, hating his feelings, hating himself for feeling the way he did about another man.

"Hey," Kaoru said as he walked around one of the couches and sat down next to Toshiya, carrying a beer with him. He took a long drink from it and set it down on the glass table before them.

"I thought you were with Kyo and Shinya," Toshiya said, forcing himself to pull his eyes away from Die and Sarah.

"I was, but then they started kissing and making-out and I'm still trying to get over the fact they're gay, you'd think that they'd have a little more common courtesy," Kaoru cringed just thinking about Kyo and Shinya together.

"They've been together for a month now, don't you think you've had more than enough time to accept it?" Toshiya laughed.

"I accept it, its just a little strange and all, you know…to think about our friends dating each other and doing god knows what when they're alone," Kaoru cringed again.  
"Kaoru, are you saying you're imagining them having sex with each other?"

Kaoru gave him a horrified look, which was what Toshiya was going for. "God no! I'm just saying, it's a little hard to get used to," he said. "Besides, I don't even know how two guys…well…"

Toshiya burst out into giggles. "Aw, Kaoru, did your parents never teach you about the birds and the bees?"

Kaoru hit him playfully. "Of course they did, but we're talking about the bees…and the bees? Not many parents talk about that," he laughed.

"Well then, Mommy Toshiya is going to teach Kaoru about the bees and the bees," he laughed.

"Please don't," Kaoru laughed again.

Toshiya leaned over and began explaining it to Kaoru in his ear. Before he even finished Kaoru pulled away, grabbed his beer and stood up. "I think I'm going home now," he said, looking somewhat disgusted. "Tell everyone practice is at nine tomorrow."

"What? You take us out drinking and then we're going to have practice?" Die groaned, having picked up on the conversation. "That's just unfair."

"We haven't had practice in nearly two months—

"For good reason! Kyo and Shinya had to deal with the American man and they really couldn't be doing anything strenuous because of their stitches," Toshiya said.

"Kyo and Shinya are better and that American is dead, practice is tomorrow, no excuses," Kaoru said and walked away before Toshiya or Die could respond.

"I guess he still doesn't like the whole gay thing," Die said as Toshiya stood up.

"I still don't like Americans, things like that are hard to change" Toshiya mumbled as he walked past Die and Sarah to go tell Shinya and Kyo what Kaoru said.

Die got up and spun Toshiya around, looking agitated. "What the hell? Ever since I started dating her you haven't exactly been yourself," he said.

"It's not like she can understand what I said!"

"That's not the point. What do you have against her?" Die demanded.

"Do you even have to ask?" Toshiya asked incredulously.

"Don't give me that. Just because that damn man nearly killed Kyo and Shinya doesn't give you an excuse to go around hating all the Americans; she not like him!"

"And how do you know that? How do you know she's not another anti-Japanese racist out to kill us?" he asked. "Don't you think it to be a little odd that only two weeks after our conflicts with that man were solved another American just magically pops into our lives, claiming to be a fan of our music? Die, we don't exactly get tons of Americans coming to Japan all the time to see us."

Die let out a frustrated sigh. "Toshiya, listen to me, it was one guy, so don't go off thinking that every damn American we meet is going to try and kill us. Shinya and Kyo have no problem what so ever with me seeing Sarah, and both of them had to deal with that hit man. So what is your god damn deal with her?"

"You've been dating her for two weeks Die and you know nothing about her, for all we know she could be out to kill us," Toshiya sighed and started to walk towards the other room. He didn't care if Sarah understood him or not, he didn't trust her; he knew there was something about her that he couldn't trust.

He felt awkward, having yelled at Die over his suspicions, it's just knowing he could never be with Die upset him, and then seeing with a girl only hurt him more. He shook his head, not wanting to think about it. He opened the door to the other room and his jaw dropped at the sight of Kyo on top of Shinya, their shirts off and kissing fiercely, Kyo trying to work Shinya's pants off at the same time. Toshiya burst out into laughter and Kyo looked up. "God dammit Toshiya, that's the sixth fucking time!" Toshiya rushed out and slammed the door behind him.

"Maybe you shouldn't do that in public places!" Toshiya laughed.

"Fuck you!" Kyo yelled, opening the door while putting his shirt back on. "What the fuck? You keep walking in on us!"

"Kyo, relax, it was an accident," Shinya said, putting his hand on Kyo's shoulder. His face was bright red with embarrassment and he bowed his head slightly, hoping his bangs would cover his face.

"Six times? The same accident six time? I doubt it, I think he just wants to watch," Kyo growled.

"Oh yeah, you know it," Toshiya said sarcastically rolling his eyes. "I only came here to tell you Kaoru scheduled practice for tomorrow at nine A.M., think you guys are ready to go back to work?"

"What the fuck? There is no way I am going to wake up at nine in the fucking morning," the singer growled.

"Come on Kyo, if we're going to be waking up early we should go home now," Shinya said.

"Are you still staying with Kyo, Shinya?" Toshiya asked curiously with a raised eyebrow and a slight smirk.

"Yeah…I might move in with him," Shinya blushed even more.

"That's so sweet!" Toshiya said with a big grin. "Anyway, wake Kyo's little ass up tomorrow."

"You making fun of my height, horse-teeth?" the singer asked in an agitated tone.

"No, I'm making fun of your ass. Remember, we all got a clear view of it not too long ago—"

"Shut the fuck up."

"Pasty white chubby little cheeks," Toshiya burst out laughing. Shinya pulled on Kyo's arm, beckoning him to follow him and go home. With a sigh Kyo followed Shinya.

"Remember, stay up all night with Shin-chan doesn't give you the excuse to miss practice!" Toshiya laughed as Kyo stuck up the middle finger at him. He walked back over to the area where Die and Sarah were to grab his coat, but he paused for a moment before grabbing the coat, seeing Die and Sarah kissing passionately. He winced a little, wishing he were there instead of that girl.

Sighing and heart broken, he turned away from Die and Sarah and left the bar, feeling if he stayed there any longer and witnessed Die with someone other than he, that his heart would break in two.

Kyo knocked on the bathroom door. "Shinya, I need to use the bathroom. Get your skinny ass out of there!" he shouted.

"Gimme a minute, I need to brush my teeth," Shinya said, turning on the faucet. He stared at himself in the mirror for a moment, smiling to himself. All his bruises were gone and most of the marks left from the Seth's attack had faded away. Things were finally back to normal and both he and Kyo had been so happy. Only a few days before had Kyo asked Shinya to move in with him, and of course he had been overjoyed and felt that is was time that he move in. And his dogs had grown attached to Kyo, they followed him around the house whenever Shinya wasn't around.

He sighed happily and grabbed his toothbrush while reaching for the toothpaste with the other hand. He looked down when he didn't feel it and looked around on the counter for toothpaste but found none. "Kyo, did you use all my toothpaste?" Shinya called out.

"Sorry!" Kyo yelled.

"How on earth did you do that? It was almost full yesterday!" Shinya said incredulously.  
"I accidentally stepped on it," Kyo said.

Shinya sighed and pulled open the medicine cabinet, but as he did little bottles and a small plastic box spilled out, one of the bottles shattering in the sink. Shinya reached down in the sink to grab one of the shattered pieces of glass but again Kyo knocked on the door and jumped, his finger jamming into the broken glass. "Hold on, Kyo!" he called out.

"I gotta piss!" Kyo complained.

Shinya rolled his eyes and looked at the little box that fell out, a small first aid kit. He opened it and saw two Band-Aids at the top. He grabbed one and unwrapped it, wrapping it gently around the slit in his finger. He looked down at the little kit and something shiny caught his eye. He moved the other Band-Aid out of the way and stared at the three shining objects, covered in a brownish red substance that was dried on. He reached down and picked it up, staring at it for a moment, unsure of what to do.

His mind raced, why would Kyo have razors in his bathroom? Why did they look like they were covered in blood? Shinya gulped, trying to avoid the only conclusion that came to mind; was Kyo a—?

"Shinya, what the fuck are you doing in there? Taking a bath in the fucking sink? I gotta piss!"

"Just a minute," Shinya said, his voice cracking nervously. He put the razor back in the little box and put it back in the box and grabbed the fallen bottles and quickly shoved them back in the medicine cabinet. He picked up the glass quickly yet nimbly and threw them in the trashcan and rushed to the door. He smiled at Kyo and tried to look unbothered by his discovery. He leaned down and kissed Kyo. "I'm sorry for taking so long. I'm going to bed now, and remember, we have practice tomorrow so don't stay up too late."

As Shinya walked past Kyo, the little singer spun his around kissed him. "I think I'll come to bed to," he said with a grin.

"I thought you had to use the bathroom," Shinya said, not exactly picking up on Kyo's hint.

"Not anymore," Kyo leaned forward and kissed him again. Shinya felt Kyo's hand tugging at his shirt, the other hand up his shirt and stroking his chest. "Let's go to bed, Shinya."

"Gladly," Shinya smiled and they stumbled into the room together.

Die kissed Sarah gently at first, but then the kissed became more passionate and he peeked his eyes open for a minute, noticing something strange about her. Her eyes…they changed. Die pulled away and stared at her face in shock—not even her face…it was Toshiya's face. He rubbed his eyes and looked at Sarah again, sighing with relief when he face returned to normal.

"What's wrong?" she asked slowly.

"We've been dating for two weeks, I think we're moving too fast," he said, trying to shake the image from his head. "I think I need to go home, I have practice tomorrow. I'll call you."

He got up and rushed out before Sarah could say anything to him. He went out to his car and got in and slammed his hands on the steering wheel. It happened again, he imagined Toshiya instead of the real person before him. It had happened so often over the past year Die felt like he had been betraying Toshiya by thinking of him in such ways. He had forced away the feelings by no longer dating, but he felt that after a month of no longer seeing the bass player in others he could finally begin dating again. And then it happened again and again since he had been with Sarah.

He didn't want to feel the way he did for Toshiya. It felt wrong, almost sickening to be thinking such about a man who had been his friend for so long the way he was. He just didn't feel right, and as much as he hated to admit it, every time he saw Toshiya he dreamed of being with him. But he knew it wasn't right, he knew he couldn't be with another man, especially Toshiya. It had worked out for Kyo and Shinya only because they stuck by each others sides to get through the what they were forced to face; its what drew them to each other. He knew he would never have anything like that to bring he and Toshiya together.

Die started up his car and drove off into the night, wishing what he knew wasn't true. He wanted to be with Toshiya, but he knew he could never be with him, that's just not how life worked.


	2. Chapter 2

Kaoru looked up as Toshiya walked into the studio, his face appearing grim and somewhat disheartened as he passed Die who had Sarah sitting in his lap, whispering things in her ear and making the American giggle. Toshiya put on a fake smile as he walked past Kaoru and grabbed his bass, staring at it for a moment as though it were something foreign. He picked it up and sat down, glancing up when he heard Sara giggle again and scowled, then he looked back down at the four strings of his bass and sighed, trying to focus. Something was bugging him and Kaoru knew when Toshiya was bothered or upset he wouldn't be able to focus.

"You alright?" Kaoru asked, setting down his guitar and moving beside Toshiya.

"Yeah, I haven't been sleeping well the past few nights and I guess it's catching up to me," he said, setting down his instrument as well.

"Something bugging you?" Kaoru asked, feeling as though there was more to it than what was revealed.

Toshiya bit his lip nervously. "Kind of," he said; Kaoru gave him a look that showed he was listening. "You see, there's this…girl that I really like and I know I can't be with her, and it's been bothering me for the longest time, I just don't know what to do."

"Have you told her how you felt?" Kaoru asked.

"No, I can't, she's already dating someone and she's strai—not interested in a guy like me," Toshiya sighed and looked away, feeling Kaoru's ever suspicious eyes on him. He was nervous that Kaoru might see through his lie and realize that "she" was actually Die. He looked over at Die and Sara and saw them still messing around on the couch. "Can you stop that?" he asked in an agitated tone. "We're supposed to be practicing not making out!"

Die gave him a disbelieving look and sighed, nodding to Sara to tell her to move beside him instead of in his lap. "As soon as Shinya and Kyo get here we'll practice, if that's what you want to do so badly, Toshiya," he said and grabbed his guitar.

"Wait, Die get your acoustic, let practice an oldie," Kaoru said with a smile.

Toshiya looked at Kaoru strangely, only when he was in a good mood would they practice old songs. "Which song?" he asked.

"Hmm…304 goushitsu, hakushi no sakura!"

Die walked over and grabbed his acoustic guitar. "It feels heavier," he said as lifted it up to play. "Probably because we've gone without playing for so long—" the sound of screeching tires filled the air and loud impact. Die set the guitar down, as did Toshiya and Kaoru. They rushed out of the studio and stared in shock at the accident.

Shinya's car was smashed all in the front; lying on its side where the driver would have been, smoke pouring from it. Die was first to rush forward and looked through the smashed windshield, seeing Kyo in the passenger's seat. Kyo was bleeding profusely from a large gash in his head, the piece of shrapnel that hit him protruding from the wound. He was leaning far the side, unmoving still strapped in by his seat belt. Shinya was lying against the smashed window, strapped in as well, small bit of glass in his cheek and his white shirt had a growing red stain in the shoulder.

"Shinya! Kyo!" Kaoru called out as he moved over to the car.

"Kaoru…"Shinya gasped. "Get Kyo, get him!"

Kaoru stepped out onto the car, reached up and unbuckled Kyo's seat belt. He caught Kyo as he fell from his seat and dragged him from the wreckage. Toshiya moved over to check him and saw that he was still breathing. He pulled out his cell phone and decided he needed to call an ambulance.

"Shinya, can you get out?" Die called. He watched Shinya try to move but wince and cry out.

"The wheel…it…my legs are stuck!" he cried. Kaoru climbed back over the wreckage and unbuckled Shinya's seatbelt, grabbing his arms and pulling him up. Shinya screamed in pain and Kaoru instantly released him. He grabbed the wheel and tried to pull it up, but it was stuck, it wouldn't budge.

"I'm sorry, but there is no other way Shinya," he bit his lip. "Are you ready?" He watched the drummer nod and tugged on him, his hand on his shoulders. Shinya screamed out in pain and Kaoru drew back a bit, the sound of Shinya in pain a very unpleasant one, and he tried to brace him. Kaoru tugged hard on him, falling back as Shinya came loose and free from the car. They crawled away from the car and Kaoru helped him stand.

"Ambulance is on the way," Toshiya said, shutting his cell phone. He glanced back at the studio. "I'm going to go get my car keys." He began walk towards it and a giant boom sounded from deep inside it and almost instinctively he dropped the ground. 'What on earth?' he thought. He began to smell smoke and a sudden wave of intense heat above him. After a few seconds he called out, "Is everyone okay?"

"Yeah," he heard Die mutter. "Holy shit—the studio!"

Toshiya sat up and stared in shock at the flames that consumed the building, the door appearing on fire and as though it had been blown almost completely off the hinges. Flames licked at the outer walls of the studio through the broken windows. He brought himself to his feet and stared for moment longer at the intense flames that were already appearing through the roof of the building.

"Sara!" Die suddenly remembered, not having seen her come out of the building with anyone else.

"I here!" he heard a call as she stumbled away from the side of the studio, coughing, her eyes watering with a large scorch mark across the back of her hand. "I not know what happen…it…it…" she began to ramble on in English.

"Relax, everyone's out," Die said, placing a hand on her shoulder.

"What happen Kyo?" she asked wide-eyed, seeing him on the ground, blood trickling from the cut on his forehead.

"Car accident," Shinya groaned, rubbing his sore legs. He turned his head as he heard sirens in the distance and sighed with relief. He moved over and knelt beside Kyo, staring at his peaceful face, appearing so innocent and beautiful when he rested. He bit his lip as he stared at the large piece of glass protruding from his forehead. That was his fault. Why didn't the car stop, why did their speed only increase? He slammed on the breaks repetitively and for some reason it didn't stop, it just kept going, remaining unchanged to the constant slamming of his foot into the break pedal.

As the ambulance pulled up, took Kyo's hand in his, rubbing it vigorously to try and wake him. "Help has come," he whispered. He looked back and saw the paramedics jump from the back of the ambulance, pulling out a stretcher and moving it over to where Kyo lie. Shinya sighed as they put him in it and loaded him into the back of the ambulance. He wished he could do more for Kyo.

One paramedic came back over to him, walkie-talkie in hand. "We need a fire truck down here A.S.A.P., 67890 Kusari road," he said into it. He looked up at Shinya. "How did this fire start?" he asked.

Shinya shook his head, looked at the others for some sort of explanation, but they shook their heads as well, just as puzzled as he was by the whole ordeal. "Alright, well, the authorities should be here to get everyone's statement, if you would please come with us," the paramedic said.

"Why?" Shinya asked curiously.

"You're injured and you may need stitches, please come in the ambulance with us."

"Oh!" Shinya said, having forgotten about the pain in the side of his face and in his legs. He followed the paramedic into the back of the ambulance and waved goodbye to the rest of the band.

Toshiya watched the flames lick at the studio, lamenting the fact that he had left his bass in there. It was probably on fire at the moment and such a thought made him somewhat uneasy. He looked back at the others, Kaoru tapping his foot impatiently as the sound of police sirens came near, Sara staring at her burnt hand somewhat emotionlessly and Die staring at the fire as well.

He moved over to Die and sighed. "At least practice was cancelled," Die mumbled half in humor half in sadness.

"Yeah," Toshiya sighed. His face turned bright red as Die wrapped one arm around his shoulders and sighed as well, still staring out at the fire.

"Lots of great times in there over the years," he said. 'There could have been better,' Toshiya thought to himself. "A shame to see it go, wouldn't you agree?"

"Yeah. Hey, did you hear the same boom I did before the fire?" Toshiya asked curiously.

"Hm? Yeah, like the sound of a plane breaking the sound barrier or something," Die said.

"Why do you ask?"

"What do you think that was?"

Die thought for a moment and Toshiya had to stifle his giggles. The look Die would get when he was thinking seriously was so incredibly adorable yet ridiculous one couldn't help but laugh at the sight. "Maybe we had a busted gas pipe in the kitchen and something sparked…" he thought aloud.

"Or a bomb," Toshiya mumbled.

"A bomb? Why would anyone boom—" Die's eyes turned wide and took a step back from Toshiya. "Not this again! Do not start with this, she had nothing to do with it!"

"It's a possibility!" Toshiya said, his eyes darting to Sara quickly to see if she had been listening or comprehending the conversation, yet she showed no signs that she understood nor a sign of interest in what they spoke of.

"How?" Die demanded.

"The blast from whatever it was nearly knocked the door of the hinges, don't you think it odd that she was the last one out and only got a little burn on the back of her hand? If she was still in there she would be dead or pretty damn close to it, wouldn't you agree?" Toshiya said in an agitated tone.

"Have you thought that she may have gone out the back door just at the blast happened?" Die retaliated. He was so sick on Toshiya's accusations against his girlfriend, their argument always made him think more about the bass player and he was still trying to push away those thoughts and fantasies, not welcome more in.

"Then she would be pretty beat up, the glass exploded with the blast and the door almost blew off the hinges. Any other ways she could've escaped with only a burn or are you going to accept the fact that there is something strange about Sara Lowrand?" Toshiya demanded.

Die let out a frustrated cry. "I'm not going to deal with this now, Toshiya," he growled and stormed away. He pushed past Kaoru and police officer that was getting his eyewitness and statement about the fire.

"Wait, Die, we need your statement," Kaoru called.

"Here's my statement: Fuck off," Die growled, pulling his car keys from his pocket and hitting 'unlock' on the control. He opened the door and slammed it shut after he got in. He put the keys in the ignition and slammed his foot on the gas pedal, not caring about the officer who stood there and watched him in disbelief.

"God dammit Toshiya why do you have to keep doing this!" he said in a frustrated tone, slamming his hand on the leather encased steering wheel. "We've been friends for so god damn long and now you're going to let a girl come between us!"

It made no sense, Die had dated women and Toshiya had no problem with it. Was it because she was American? No, Toshiya didn't seem the type to be a racist, he had dated Americans before as well. So what made him dislike Sara so much? She never had anything bad to say about him, she never did anything to arouse suspicions or anything that would require scrutiny. He just didn't understand why Toshiya so suspicious of her.  
Wait, could Toshiya be jealous off him? It had been over a year since Toshiya had been seeing anyone, was he jealous that Die had Sara? Or possibly…that Sara had Die—

"No!" Die scolded himself. It wasn't going to happen, he wasn't going to allow himself to think about him and Toshiya, he had promised himself he wouldn't do it again. He had to stop these feelings, and last time he did he was forced to break up with his girlfriend, but Die didn't want to break up with Sara. Not until he was sure he couldn't force away the feelings would he take such drastic measures. All he had to do was stay away from Toshiya, avoid talking to him outside of things to do with the band. Maybe if he could avoid seeing and speaking to Toshiya long enough he'd be able to push away the feeling for good and he could just go backs to being friend with him.

Yes, that seemed to be the best route. And despite how much it would hurt both of them, it had to be done to save their friendship. What if Toshiya found out about these terribly feelings, any friendship they ever had would be destroyed in an instant.

Die took a turn at the stop light, realizing he had forgotten about Kyo and Shinya's ordeal. He needed to go see them at the hospital and find out what happened. It wasn't like Shinya to be a reckless driver; so what made them crash?

Kaoru stood beside the officer as he took down the license plate number and condition of the car. He looked at Toshiya as he walked up the car, getting dangerously close to the unstable vehicle, seeming upset by something other than the demolished car. "What were you and Die arguing about?" he asked as Toshiya stared at the underside of the car.  
"Nothing, just something stupid," Toshiya mumbled, trying to hide his hurt. He hated getting into such fierce argument with Die every time something seemed to be looking up, but he absolutely didn't trust Die's girlfriend, and it wasn't because of the ordeal with Seth, it was more than that. There was something vile and ominous about her.

"A stupid argument like what?" Kaoru asked with exceeding curiosity

"Just private affairs that only concern the parties involved," Toshiya grinned back and Kaoru, who merely shook his head and dismissed the questioning all together. The bass player breathed a sigh of relief, glad that Kaoru had not pushed further into the matter or he may have discovered the tension that was growing between his two best friends.

As he stared at the smashed and battered car something caught his eye. A broken cord. He reached out nimbly and grabbed it, slowly pulling it away from the car slowly.

"Kaoru, come here," he said, motioning for him to come over. He glanced back and saw the officer follow as well; come near to the tipped car. "Do you see what I see?"

"Um…a broken cable thing?" Kaoru asked, unsure of what to make of the discovery.

"Clearly you and father didn't spend much time together," Toshiya mumbled. "This is the break cable and it should be attached to another part of the car, its what makes the car stop when –"

"I know what it does," Kaoru snapped. "This would explain why they crashed, but why would it be broken?"

"Someone could have cut it, someone who wanted them to crash," Toshiya glanced at Sara, who saw him and waved happily, still having no clue as to what they were saying. He scowled and turned back to the officer. "Can you have someone investigate that charge?"

"Yes, but it looks as though an animal chewed on it," the officer said. "Nonetheless, I'll hire so mechanics to take a look at it and get some people to investigate the fire, if that is all you have, you three and free to go."

Kaoru nodded. "Sara, get in my car, we're going to see Kyo and Shinya," he said, motioning for her to follow.

"Where Die?" she asked as she joined them.

"We don't know, but he'll turn up," Toshiya said, not bothering to check if she understood what he said or not. Really, he didn't care one bit. He got in the car with Kaoru and Sara and they took off down the road to go check up on Kyo and Shinya in the hospital.


	3. Chapter 3

Shinya grinned as Kyo's beautiful brown eyes fluttered open. He sat up and looked around for a moment, taking a few seconds for him to realize where he was. "Good to see you awake," Shinya said, leaning over and kissing him on the cheek.

"I'm sick of seeing the inside of a hospital," Kyo groaned and rubbing his head, his fingers running over the two small adhesive strips that kept the wound closed. Clearly it wasn't deep enough to require stitches. He looked at Shinya and saw the large gauze pad that covered his cheek. "What happened there?"

"A bit of glass from the crash, but nothing too bad, they said I might have some severe bruising too," he said. "How are you feeling?"

"Like shit, my head hurts, my arm is really sore—" he glanced at it and saw a splint holding his wrist. "Oh. Well, that would explain it. So, Shin-chan, do they know what went wrong?"

Shinya shook his head solemnly. "I've had no word, I came straight to the hospital with you, the other stayed behind with the police and the fire truck—"

"Wait, fire truck? Did the car catch?" Kyo asked.

"No, the studio caught on fire," Shinya explained.

"The studio? No fucking way!" he exclaimed. "How?"

Shinya shrugged and turned slightly, seeing Die push past a babbling nurse, clearly not caring at all about the fact visiting hours were over. He moved over to the bed as Kyo stared at the IV in the back of his hand. He took the tape off his hand and winced as he slid the needle out of his skin. "How you doing Kyo?" Die asked.

"Fine, I'm going to check myself out," Kyo said, hopping out of the bed. He moved over to the chair where his clothes lay and despite the fact his shirt had small speckles of splattered blood on it. "Where are the others?"

"They were still talking to the authorities when I left," he said, sighing as he remembered his fight with Toshiya.

"Did you two fight again?" Shinya asked, biting his lip and withdrawing a bit when Die gave him an incredulous look, but then relaxed a bit.

"How do you know about that?" Die asked.

"You two aren't exactly discreet about it," Kyo said, stripping off the hospital gown and grabbing his pants. He glanced at Shinya, smiling. They were thinking the same thing. For the past few weeks they had been talking about Die and Toshiya and the way they bickered constantly like an old married couple. They both thought Die had a thing for Toshiya.

Die shoved his hands in his pocket and looked down at the ground shamefully. "Yeah, Kaoru still doesn't know about it. What do you guys think? Is Toshiya right or am I?" he asked.

"I don't think I'm at mercy to speak against her, Sara is a very nice girl but I really see no threat in her," Shinya shrugged. "But I'm sure there is reason behind Toshiya's side of the argument."

"But, he does have a point about her showing up only a few weeks after the whole American ordeal ended, it is pretty freakin' weird," Kyo added as he put his shirt back on.

"It just really frustrates me, why does he have to keep starting with it? I think he might be jealous of Sara," Die mumbled.

Kyo grinned at Shinya again, both thinking back to their theory of Die's feelings for Toshiya. It was rather amusing. "Well then, we should get going," Kyo said with a sigh. "Since we have no car I guess Die should drive."

They exited the room, Shinya favoring one leg as he walked from the room, Kyo playing with the Velcro straps on his splint and Die twirling his keys around his finger. As they reached the check out point Kyo spotted Kaoru, Toshiya, and Sara. He glanced back at Toshiya, both waiting for Toshiya and Die to respond to each other, but as Toshiya walked past Die averted his eyes to the ceiling.

He moved over to Sara. "Sorry for leaving you," he said. Sara cocked her head to the side as if not understanding and Die said slowly in English, "Soo-ri fo lee-bing." Instead of struggling to respond, Sara nodded and hugged him as a way to say she didn't mind. He glanced out of the corner of his eye and saw Toshiya turn his head, crossing his arms over his chest as though he did not wish to see the display of affection.

"I'm sorry, sir, we cannot permit you to leave yet, all tests have no been conducted," the woman at the front desk explain.

"What the fuck?" Kyo said in an annoyed tone.

"We need to make sure you're healthy," she explained.

"Listen, lady, I'm walking and talking, seems pretty damn healthy, wouldn't you agree?" Kyo stepped away from the desk. "Lets go."

"I guess he is feeling better," Kaoru mumbled. "We should all go over to Yoshiki's house and tell him what happened, I don't think he'll be pleased, though."

"I'm going to listen to my music, I need to sort some things out," Die said, putting his headphones in before he started the car and clicked the play button.

Shinya could hear the loud American music blaring the headphones and he knew Die couldn't hear him. He glanced at Kyo, who was staring at all the bruises on his right arm. Shinya saw dark scars going in all directions across his wrist and bit his lip. He wanted to believe those scars were there from another cause, but he knew what it was. "Kyo…can I talk to you?" Shinya asked reluctantly.

"Sure, what do you need?" he looked at Shinya and saw the oddly solemn and serious look he had. "What's wrong?"

"I need to talk to you about last night," he said, unsure of how he was going to come about the subject.

"Was the sex not good?" Kyo asked in a low whispered, his eyes wide.

Shinya face turned bright red. "No! Not that, the sex was great…" he felt his face turn hot. "It's about when I was in the bathroom…I found something—"

Kyo's eyes turned even wider. "See Shinya, I've been meaning to get rid of that, it was a gift from a friend, I swear! I didn't even like it, I'm not into those magazines!" Kyo said, holding up his hands innocently.

Shinya gave him a strange look and didn't even want to know what he was talking about. "Kyo, its not about that…" he bit his lip. There was no turning back now. "I found razors in your medicine cabinet…"

Kyo only stared at Shinya.

"…Are you cutting yourself?" Shinya finally asked, his stomaching lurching as he spoke the words. He felt so guilty all of a sudden, as though he had just betrayed his koibito.

For a long time Kyo sat there in silence, staring at the scars on his arm before saying anything. "Not anymore, I quit a few months ago," he said softly.

"Why did you do it?" Shinya asked, feeling somewhat relieved by the fact he had quit but rather uneasy by the fact he had been cutting himself in the first place. He had forgotten he was in the car with Die, he forgot they were in a car all together; it was only him and Kyo.

"Shin-chan, you know how frustrating our lives are. We're always in public eye, it's so hard just to be ourselves when we always have cameras on us. So much is expected of us all, we have to keep the fans happy, we have to make music constantly. All of us ended up with an image and a reputation and god forbid we change that or our fans could lose interest," Kyo began. "It's so stressful and there was so much going on all at once…it was really my only release."

Shinya took a second to soak in all the information. "Are you saying you don't like being part of the band?" he asked.

"No, not at all, I love singing, it's all I know, but I wish I could get away from it sometimes, just forget about all our obligations and deadlines and just have a vacation," Kyo sighed. "I quit, but it was hard. A lot of people don't understand the addiction to it…and for me to turn it away was one of the most difficult times I've ever had."

"What made you quit?" Shinya asked.

"You," Kyo said, staring at him with his beautiful brown eyes. "I started dreaming of you, and when I thought of us getting together I knew you would never want me to do this to myself. Because of you, I quit a month before we got together."

Shinya breathed a sigh of relief and leaned forward, wrapping his arms tightly around the singer. "I love you," he whispered. "I'm glad you quit, or I would have to do it too."  
Kyo looked at him strangely. "Why?"

"Kyo, we're a couple. Anything you do, I'll do, anywhere you go, I'll go; I'm always with you every step of the way," he said softly and leaned in to kiss Kyo. Their lips met and Kyo parted his lips, allowing the kiss to turn passionate. He pushed Shinya down onto the seat, straddling him and kissing his passionately, Shinya's hands exploring every inch of him. He moved down and kissed Shinya's neck, sucking on the sweet skin as he unbuttoned Shinya's shirt.

The drummer let out a soft moan as Kyo's hand rubbed against his groin and he grabbed the edge of Kyo's shirt, trying to pull it over his head. He gasped when Kyo gave his groin a good squeeze and leaned up, kissing Kyo fiercely. "Guys!" Shinya bolted up, suddenly remembering where he and Kyo were.

Die was staring back at them with an incredulous look on his face. "Please, if you can save the sex for when you're not in my car that would be nice!" he scolded, taking his blaring headphone off.

"Sorry," Shinya flushed bright red and gave Kyo a big grin. "I guess we forgot where we were."

"Yeah, yeah," Die rolled his eyes. He bit his lip, hoping they weren't suspicious of him. He had been watching them in the rearview mirror for a while until he realized he had to bring them back to reality. He only wished that one day he and Toshiya—'NO!' he shouted loudly in his mind. 'Stop imagining him, it's not right and it will not happen.' Sighing, he realized avoiding Toshiya would be one of the hardest things he had ever done in his entire life.

They drove up to Yoshiki's driveway and stepped out of the car. Just as they did so, Kaoru pulled up in his car with Sara and Toshiya. He began walking when Toshiya stepped out and knocked on Yoshiki's door loudly. They watched the door open, their manager standing there looking confused as to why the entire band was at his door instead of the studio.

"Can we come in? It's urgent," Kaoru asked.

"Um, sure," Yoshiki said, opening the door wider and ushering them in. They all took seats on his two couches, Die next to Sara and Kyo, Toshiya by Shinya and Kaoru. "What's this about? Kyo, Shinya, what happened to you two?"

Before anyone could answer Kaoru's cellphone rang. He grabbed it and opened it. "Moshi-moshi? Oh, Inspector Suisen—" Kaoru listened for a moment, his eyes growing wide. "Are you sure of it? Alright, do whatever you need. Yes. Thank you." He hung up the phone and looked at them solemnly.

"What is it? Who is Inspector Suisen? What have you been up to?" Yoshiki demanded in a bewildered tone.

"Guys, the brake cable on Shinya's car was cut intentionally and there was a bomb planted inside the studio, that's what caused it to blow up," Kaoru said. Toshiya immediately began eyeing Sara for some sort of reaction, but she turned to Die for an explanation. Shinya sat there with a suspicious look on his face and Kyo didn't seem at all affected by the news.

"Wait, the studio blew up? And what are you talking about Shinya's car? What's going on?!" Yoshiki cried.

"Shinya and Kyo were coming to practice and the car crashed. We came out to see what happened and when he pulled Shinya and Kyo out of the car the studio blew up all on the inside and the whole thing was consumed by flames. The arson detective went in and found out there was a bomb in the building hidden inside Die's guitar," Kaoru explained quickly.

"That's why it was so heavy!" Die exclaimed.

"Yoshiki…I need to talk to you," Shinya said, standing up and grabbing the former drummer, pulling him into the small personal office. "What did you do?'

"Nothing!" Yoshiki began. "What is this all about?"

"You hired someone again, didn't you? What happened this time? Did our ratings drop again?" Shinya demanded, realizing he sounded angry and cruel, but if Yoshiki had done what he had done last time…

"No, don't you think I learned my lesson the first time?" Yoshiki asked incredulously.  
"Then why would my break cables be cut and a bomb hidden in a guitar?"

"I don't know!" Yoshiki yelled. "This is the first I've heard of this; I have no idea what's going on!"

Shinya sighed and looked at him with an apologetic expression. Yoshiki was telling the truth, he honestly had no idea what was happening. "What are we going to do, then? I'm not so sure that we can handle this again," he sighed again.

"Stay here, there is more than enough room for you all," Yoshiki offered. Shinya nodded and they left the office and went back to the living room where everyone else sat, somewhat puzzled as to why Shinya had dragged Yoshiki off like that. "You all are staying here tonight, so make yourselves comfortable."

"Die, I need to talk to you," Toshiya called from down the hall. He decided how out of line he was and even though he believed there was something strange about Sara he shouldn't have spoken to die like that. "Die!"

Die continued walking as though he hadn't heard him, but Toshiya was sure that he had. He only wanted to apologize, he need to repair their friendship. He hoped that apologizing would bring them together, but he realized having him as friend and nothing more was better than no friend at all. "Die!"

"What do you want? To accuse my girlfriend of being a terrorist assassin again?" Die asked.

"No, I…I want to apologize," Toshiya bowed his head low and took in a deep breath.

"No, you don't. You're going to apologize now and then tomorrow you'll just bring it up again! I know you Toshiya, you'll just do it over and over," he spat. "I don't give a damn about your apology."

Toshiya stood their, staring wide eyed at Die. "No, it won't—"

"Don't try to feed my that bullshit, just shut the fuck up!" Die turned to leave, but Toshiya grabbed his arm.

"Why won't you just hear me out?" he asked desperately, Die's words echoing in his mind and hurting to hear.

"Don't fucking touch me!" Die shouted at him, shoving him back. "I'm sick of you following me around like some sort of sick puppy! Get a fucking life. No one would even notice you if you weren't always bouncing around needing attention, so just go disappear! Leave me the fuck alone!"

"Die—" Toshiya began, his eyes beginning to water.

"Leave me alone!" Die said and shoved him back again with all his strength. Toshiya stumbled back, slapping hard into the wall, sinking to ground, knocking pictures loose from the walls. Die stared at Toshiya in shock, realizing he had taken it too far. Instead of saying anything, he turned and ran.

Toshiya didn't care about the pain in his head or back…the only thing that he could feel was the pain in his heart. Die hated him, he didn't care at all about him. He didn't even like him as a friend and that all together ruined his chances of ever being with Die. And for Die to run away like that, to run away from his problems and leave Toshiya alone and in pain with his broken heart…


	4. Chapter 4

Die slammed the door shut behind him, his face in his hands as he tried to calm his breathing. Why had he done that? Why did he hurt Toshiya? He felt like his heart was being pulled every which way and being torn from his chest. He turn and punch the wall, swearing loudly as he heard his knuckles crack and send pain up his arm.

It didn't matter though. He was so obsessed with getting over his feelings for Toshiya and willing to do what ever it took that he went as far as to shove Toshiya and in the end only hurt him. He paced back and forth in the room, his mind flooded with hateful thoughts. But none of those hateful thoughts were felt towards Toshiya, they were felts towards himself. He hated himself for hurting Toshiya, he hated himself for not having the courage to tell Sara he no longer felt for her, he hated himself for loving the childish bassist…he simply hated himself.

He felt the anger bubbling inside him again as he thought of more drastic things. What if Toshiya hated him and never would be with him? What if he could never get over these strange feelings? What if, because of what he had done, the band broke up? He punched the wall again, feeling blood drip down his hand as he did it again, the flesh around his knuckles torn up.

Die couldn't think, all his thoughts were mixing together into one huge blur and he bent over low as if pained and let out a loud scream of frustration, no longer caring who heard. His anguish and pain echoed in the scream, carrying it out as long as he could until he could no long breathe and he collapsed backwards, sliding against the wall, his arms wrapped around himself as he began to sob. So much was happening and Die couldn't handle it. He just couldn't.

The door opened slowly and he looked up, his vision blurred by his tears and he watched Kaoru walk in, examining the dented wall for a moment and shutting the door gently behind him. "Get out," Die growled, trying to hide his tear-stained cheeks from Kaoru. He didn't want anyone to see him in his moment of weakness, not after he had cried so much a month before. "This doesn't involve you."

"This involves me when you're denting the hell out of Yoshiki's house," Kaoru said, moving over and kneeling down in front of Die.

"I'll pay for the damage, just get out!" he shouted, moving his hands over his face.

"Die…are you crying?" Kaoru asked suddenly, trying to catch a glimpse of Die's face.

"I'm not crying! Get out, Kaoru!" Die snapped, choking on a sob as he tried to take in a deep breath to calm himself.

"I saw Toshiya crying too, but he wouldn't talk to me. Is it something you did?" Kaoru asked.

Die finally looked up at Kaoru, his eyes red and puffy, his cheeks wet and his red hair falling in tufts around his face. "I hurt him…and now he hates me! He hates me! He'll never be with me!" Die's eyes widened as he realized what he said and bowed his head low with shame. How could he have been so foolish? Why did he say that!? Now Kaoru knew and he would tell everyone and when Toshiya found out he would never think of Die the same again.

Kaoru stared at him for a long time, unsure of what to say and in somewhat shock form the outburst. "Die…are you gay?"

"Why don't you bend over and find out?!" Die snapped.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry, that was rude of me to ask and it's not my place," Kaoru quickly apologized. "Die…I'm sure Toshiya doesn't hate you. I'm sure what ever started it means nothing to him. Just go find him and try to apologize. I'm sure he'll understand why you did what did. By the way…what did you do?"

"I hurt him…I hurt him because—" Die began choking on his sobs again and could no longer force out words. He leaned forward as Kaoru opened his arms and embraced him tightly, still unable to control his sobbing.

"Die…everything is going to be fine, I promise everything is going to be okay—just please stop crying," Kaoru whispered softly, feeling somewhat uncomfortable in the embrace but Die was his friend and he couldn't turn away his best fiend.

Kyo watched Shinya walk swiftly down the hall, spinning his keys n his index finger. He was going back to the house to get Miyu and Puppy, as well as a few other necessary items they would need over the next few days if they were going to continue staying at Yoshiki's house. He and Shinya ad been trying to figure out who would cut their brakes and blow up the studio, and the only logical explanation they could think of was Seth.

But he was dead and that would make no sense. Seth coming back from the dead?

Laughable.

He pushed open his temporary bedroom door and stood there in shock for a moment, seeing Toshiya curled u in the corner of the room, his face buried in his hands and his shoulders bobbing in rhythm with his sobs. Unsure of what to so, he walked in slowly and when Toshiya noticed his presence he stood, trying to wipe the tears from his eyes.

"Toshiya…" Kyo began.

"I—I'm s—sorry I—I…" Toshiya moved forward but his knees buckled beneath him. Kyo moved quickly and caught the bassist, leading him over to the bed to sit.

"Toshiya…what happened? Why are you crying?" Kyo asked, trying to think of how Shinya would approach the situation. He wasn't much of a sit-down-and-talk-about-your-emotions kind of guy, but this was his friend and he had to be there fore him.

"Die…he…he hates me!" Toshiya wailed, burying his hands in his face.

Kyo eyes became wide with shock. "Toshiya! Don't say that! Die doesn't hate you," he said softly, patting him on the back. He watched Toshiya flinch as he did so and raised an eyebrow. He gently lifted the back of Toshiya's shirt and saw a large bruise spreading across his upper back. "Toshiya! Did Die do this?"

"He hates me, he hates me. He said if I disappeared no one would notice, he said no one cares about me," Toshiya continued to sob, completely disregarding Kyo's question as though he hadn't heard it.

"Toshiya…don't say that. It's not true, we would notice. We do care about you," Kyo said, trying to understand why Die would say such horrible things to Toshiya. They all know Toshiya can be sensitive at times, so why would Die, knowing such, say those things to him. It simply made no sense. Could Toshiya perhaps be exaggerating?

"He hates me, Kyo, he hates me! Die will never love me. He thinks I'm pathetic! Oh god, Kyo, I can't live without him," Toshiya looked at Kyo, allowing the tears gathered in his eyes to drip down his round cheeks.

Kyo stared at him again. Did he say, "Die will never love me"? Was Toshiya in love with Die? It would explain why he was so affected by what had taken place. Yet he never really showed signs of liking other men; yet contrary to that neither had Kyo and now he was having Shinya move in with him. "Toshiya…he doesn't hate you," Kyo repeated as he came to.

"No! He said everyone hates me. You hate me too, don't you Kyo? You hate me too!"

Toshiya said, biting his lower lip and blinking his tears away again.

Shinya rushed back into the house, his keys in the ignition of his car. He had forgotten his wallet in the private room across from his and Kyo's room. He rushed past his door, not taking notice to Kyo inside the room and moved into the other one, grabbing his wallet. He opened it and checked for his driver's license, sighing with relief when he saw it was in there. He scowled somewhat at the picture. Once Die had dared him to go dressed up in his Shwein no Isu outfit as a joke when his license had to be renewed. And so he was stuck with that picture even though his hair was cut now and he wasn't all dolled up. Rather hard to explain when he would get pulled over.

He walked out of the room as he tucked his wallet into his back pocket and paused in front of his room, peering in. He saw Kyo and Toshiya sitting on the bed and he remained silent, staring at the two.

"Toshiya, you know that's not true. I love you," Kyo said.

Shinya's heart wretched as he heard those words.

Toshiya pushed Kyo down on the bed, climbing atop him. "You said you love me…I don't want to be alone…don't let me be alone—" Toshiya leaned down and kissed Kyo passionately, running his hand over his chest. Kyo grabbed Toshiya's wrist and pushed him over, rolling atop him—

Shinya turned away from the sight, his eyes already welling with tears. Kyo didn't love him anymore, Kyo loved Toshiya. He rushed out of the large house and ran to his car, jumping in and slamming his hands down on the steering wheel. He clutched at his chest, feeling his heart beating so fast it could explode. Kyo didn't love him…Kyo didn't love him…Kyo kissed Toshiya.

So much for together forever.

Kyo pinned Toshiya's arms above him, gasping and unable to hide his anger. "What the fuck do you think you're doing?" he shouted, his fingers wrapped tightly around Toshiya's wrists.  
"You said you loved me—" Toshiya sobbed, his lower lip quivering.  
Kyo took in a deep breath and slowly released Toshiya's wrists, moving back on the bed and leaning against the propped up pillows. Kyo stared at Toshiya for a long time, waiting for him to react, but he only stared at him with glossed eyes. "I didn't mean it like that—"  
"So you do hate me?" the bassist's eye began to water.  
"No, Toshiya no one hates you!" Kyo snapped but then gave Toshiya an apologetic look. He couldn't figure out why Toshiya was in an almost hysterical state. It was almost as if he wasn't himself anymore, like he were another person. "I meant that I love you as a friend. We all do. I'm flattered if you like me, but I am with Shinya, I love him with all my heart. I don't want to ruin it between us. I'm sorry."  
"No no no! This is all my fault," Toshiya clutched his temples, seeming frustrated and he suddenly grew very silent. "Nothing makes sense, Kyo. I don't know why I kissed you. I can't think…I need to get out…" He stood up and moved towards the door.  
"Toshiya, listen to me…we don't hate you," Kyo said desperately, unsure of what the bassist would do next.  
"I have to get out."

Yoshiki walked into the living room as Toshiya ran out the door and he was convinced he heard sobbing. He raised an eyebrow and simply dismissed the action. The band was known to do strange things. So far he had chosen to ignore all the loud and angry yelling he was hearing about the house and the constant banging. He already had a headache.

"Mister Yoshiki-sama?"

He turned as he heard the words in English. "Yes?" It was Sara, standing there, holding her brown jacket and looking somewhat embarrassed.

"Mister Yoshiki-sama, may I use your car?" she asked in English, having learned that Yoshiki knew a fair amount of English as well. "I have my car at my house and I would very much like to use it. I will have a friend drive your car back here…"

"Yes, you may take the car," Yoshiki said, waving his hand towards the door.

"Domou arigatou gozaimasu," she bowed slightly and walked out the door.

Yoshiki couldn't help but grin. The American Die had been dating was so cute in the sense she was polite to everyone even when she didn't have to be. He had to admit he was a little uneasy at first having her around, especially after the grievous mistake he had made previously by hiring Seth, but he was now fine with her presence.

And despite the fact the studio had burned to the ground and the breaks on Shinya's car had been cut, Yoshiki felt relaxed as though nothing bad could happen.

Toshiya kept running down the street as fast as he could, tears blurring his vision. He didn't know where he was going or even why he was running. He was so confused. It seemed as though the whole world were against him, simply because he wanted to be close to Die. He wanted Die to love him but he knew it could never.

Gasping and out of breath, he stopped, his hands on his knees, bent over and trying to gather oxygen. He heard a car come to a screeching halt and pulled up beside him. He heard doors open and close quickly and heard heels clacking on the ground. Toshiya looked up and saw Sara standing there, a worried look on her face. He started to walk away from her, not caring what she had to offer him. He hated her, he hated her for trying to take Die away from him.

"Toshiya-sama! Are you okay?" she called in her poor Japanese. "Toshiya-sama!"

"Fuck off, you whore!" Toshiya yelled at her as he continued to walk. He cried out as he was suddenly jerked back, a strong arm around his waist and a cloth placed over his nose and mouth. He began trashing wildly as he tried to breathe. The cloth was wet and exuberating fumes that were making him dizzy and burning his nose and throat. He started trying to take in deep breaths but only more fumes came, and he slowly felt his arms grow numb. "Toshiya-sama! Some one please help!" It sounded like Sara, but his ears were beginning to only pick up fuzzy noises.

He stumbled forward as he was released and turned, trying to walk towards Sara but no longer feeling the ground beneath him. His vision became blurry and fuzzy and he felt himself falling. Before everything went black he could have swore Sara was smiling.


	5. Chapter 5

Toshiya's head throbbed as he came to. He tried to move his hand to rub his sore head, but his eyes bulged open as he realized he arms were pinned above him. Everything, despite the fact his eyes were open, was black. He pulled at his arms and trashed his head from side to side, tensing as he realized he was bound. He tried to yell out and realized in further horror something was in his mouth and keeping him from saying anything. Tears gathered in his eyes as he realized he knew not where he was, and neither did anyone else.

Terror crept into his heart as hundreds of horrible thoughts began to flood his mind. Someone had knocked him out, and that someone had taken him here. What were they going to do? Were they going to kill him? Blackmail him? His hands began to shake, rattling the bonds that held his arms above him. He flinched as he felt a cold metal press down on his throat. "He's awake," he heard a female voice say. He felt fingers pull the cloth from out of his mouth. "Hello Toshimasa-san."

"W—who are you?" Toshiya stuttered, crying out as a hand slapped him hard across the face, leaving his cheek stinging.

"I ask the questions, Toshimasa-san," she growled. Suddenly her voice turned gentle, "I never thought I would get you here, I would like to say what an honor it is." He heard a chill laugh erupt from the woman. He couldn't place his finger on it, her voice seemed so…familiar. He wanted so badly to think it was Sara, but this woman was speaking in fluent Japanese, exactly like anyone raised in Japan…he knew it couldn't be her.

"You must be wondering why you're here," she said and Toshiya felt the cold metal travel down past his collar and suddenly pressed down hard over the cloth of his shirt. He winced as the metal pierced through his clothing and flesh. "Why do you think you're here, Toshimasa-san?"

"I—I don't know…" Toshiya whimpered in a hesitant voice.

"Oh come on, Toshimasa-san, you must surely have some sort of idea as to why you're here," she said, the cold metal still dragging slowly down his chest. "You're a smart man, Toshimasa-san, I mean, you have to be smart to be so famous."

Toshiya bit his lip as she pressed down hard on his stomach with each passing second he didn't answer. "Y—you're g—going to k—kill me…aren't you?" a sob came up from his throat at that notion.

"I haven't decided, but I promise you that once I am done with you, you're going to wish you were dead," she laughed coldly as she finished cutting her shirt down the middle. She gripped the knife in her hand and suddenly stabbed in down hard into his right palm.

Toshiya screamed loudly as a sharp pain shot up his arm from his palm, tears in his eyes. The scream turned to sobbing as he his hand shook, only paining him more from the protruding weapon.

"You may have him…"

Toshiya couldn't make out any other words, the waves of dizzying pain blurring his senses. He felt the weight on the bed shift and he knew someone had joined him.

"Toshimasa-san, I would stay, really I would, but I fear I must leave you. I will be pleased to see you again, that is if you don't anger my friend," she said and he could hear heels clicking away from him.

He felt someone tugging at the knife in his hand and he winced. "Stop! Stop it!" he screamed. He felt a sharp blow to his ribs and he struggled to gather air in his lungs, clenching his teeth to keep from crying out. "Wh—why—" he tried to gasp, but received a sharp blow to his jaw, hearing it crack loudly as a fist connected with his face.

"I did not give you permission to speak," said a deep voice that was clearly male.

Toshiya bit his lip to keep from responding and nodded slowly. He shuddered as he felt the man's cold fingers on his bare flesh, poking at the sore spot where he had been struck. He suddenly felt another hand on the front of his hands, unbuttoning the loose jeans.

"What are—" Toshiya couldn't finish his sentence before he received another sharp blow to his delicate face. The force of the strike this time bring a sob to his lips and leaving him in a daze.

It was long before he realized his pants had been completely removed and there were rough callused hands pulling at his boxers. "No…" Toshiya whimpered, drawing his legs upward and crossing them. He received a punch to his stomach, knocking him windless. Tears came again to his eyes, absorbed by the cloth over his eyes. The man pried his legs apart, digging his nails into Toshiya's skin until he bled.

Toshiya let out a strange desperate noise as his assailant removed his last bit of clothing. "Please…don't…" Toshiya whimpered, realizing what was about to happen to him. His thigh was slapped hard, burning as the cold air touched the heated flesh. Toshiya didn't care, he had to stop it. "I'm begging you, don't—" he screamed in horror and pain as the knife in his hand was ripped out.

"You keep screaming and you're going to die!" the man growled, pressing the blade to Toshiya's frail neck. He instantly silenced himself as best he could, his hand shaking again as he felt the blood ooze slowly from the wound.

"Please…don't do this…please…"Toshiya begged between sobs, but was smacked hard for each word. He felt his legs yanked apart and the rest became a blur.

The bathroom filled with the sound of rushing water as Shinya turned the water knob to hot on the bathtub. He poured in a bit of scented bubble bath and watched the bubbles form for a moment before stepping away. He grabbed a comb, quickly combing the knots out of his hair. He paused at parted him hair on the side, staring at the healed spot where hair was gradually growing back. Shinya paused, running his fingers nimbly over the spot and wincing as he could so clearly remember how it happened. His hair had been ripped from his head, along with a piece of his scalp as he was being beaten. The first of many horrors…

He shook his head and tried to wash the memory away. It was so unpleasant to think about. He had greater things to worry about, the studio, his car, what was going to happen to them…Kyo. Shinya slipped off his shirt, folding it and setting it on the bathroom counter. He paused again, staring at his slim figure in the mirror, running his fingers over the small scar that had been inflicted by a bullet. He had received that when he was trying to save Kyo…

Shinya sighed solemnly, realizing he could ignore what he saw nor heard. After he had gotten to Kyo's house, he had grabbed cloths for the both of them, brought Miyu and Puppy. When he had gotten into the bathroom he started crying after trying to control his emotions and whatever he had grabbed from there he couldn't remember. He practically shoved everything in the medicine cabinet into his bag. Finally back at Yoshiki's house, Shinya realized he needed to calm himself down and stop thinking about it…but he couldn't.

He stripped off his remaining cloths and set one foot into the bathtub, allowing his skin to adjust to the high temperature of the water before he slid into the gradually filling tub. He shut his eyes and leaned back against the side of the tub, stretching out his long slim legs. He let his worries slip from his mind and just let himself soak in the warm water until he felt the bubbles of the bath tickling his chin. Shinya reached over and shut off the water, again leaning back and shutting his eyes.

He heard the door open and he jumped, realizing he had been in such a hurry that he forgot to lock it. His face turned bright red as he glanced over to see who had entered. It was Kyo. He had a cute grin on his face, showing off his crooked teeth. "You should've told me you were taking a bath," Kyo said, removing his shirt and tossing it on the ground. He slid off his jeans and dark boxers and stood there for a minute, naked with his weight on one leg and his hip out slightly.

Shinya stared at his lover, feeling both hurt and excitement, his eyes lingering on the scar above his bellybutton. The shy drummer drew his legs up as Kyo stepped into the tub and sat down across from him. Shinya bit his lip. "How was you day?" he asked softly, his legs intertwining with Kyo's.

"Fine, a little frustrating, but just fine," he said. He wondered whether he should tell Shinya what happened between him and Toshiya, after all, he had technically kissed another man. 'No', he decided, 'if I tell him he'd get mad at Toshiya. I wouldn't want that. And it may make him suspicious, and I never want Shinya to doubt my loyalty.'

Shinya's heart wretched and he subconsciously put his hand over his heart. He so desperately wanted Kyo to explain what was happening and that it all was a terrible mistake, that what he saw wasn't what he thought it was. But the longer he waited for an explanation to come the more his heart hurt and he couldn't take it. "How was your day, Shinya?" Kyo asked finally, breaking the awkward silence as he scooped up a handful of bubbles and blew it toward his koibito, giving him a toothy grin.

"I didn't do much…got us some clothes and other stuff, picked Miyu and Puppy up," Shinya mumbled. He desperately wanted Kyo to blurt out what had happened, he didn't want to feel so betrayed. 'Oh Kyo, please tell me, please…' Shinya thought to himself, feeling his eyes burn as though he wanted to cry.

Kyo gave a toothy grin and leaned over, moving between Shinya's legs and kissing his soft full lips. He felt Shinya wrap his arms slowly and nervously around him, the kiss clearly having caught him off guard. He slid his hands over Shinya's slippery back, moving them up and down, with each stroke getting lower to the skinny man's back. "Do you think Yoshiki would here us?" Kyo asked half-jokingly and proceeded to kiss Shinya's neck, sucking on the soapy skin so hard he left a red mark where his lips had touched. "God I love you."

Shinya tilted his head back as Kyo continued to suck on his neck, trying to enjoy himself, but he couldn't. He kept thinking those lips had touched Toshiya's and god knows what else. How could Kyo have just kissed Toshiya and was now kissing him as though nothing had ever happened? Why was this happing? Why was Kyo being unfaithful? Kyo's hands slid down his backside, tracing his finger along his crease.

"No…" Shinya pushed Kyo away, no longer able to hold back neither his tears nor his overwhelming emotions. "How can you do this?"

Kyo stared at him with a perplexed look on his face. "What's wrong?" he asked, seeing Shinya's eyes shinning with tears. "What happened?"

"How can you do this?" Shinya repeated, burying his face in his hands, his heart feeling as though it were once again being torn from his chest.

"What are you talking about? What did I do?"

"How can you kiss me and say that you love me after you've been with Toshiya?" Shinya demanded, trying to sound stern but unable to do so as his voice shook with saturnine.

"How can you have done that? Why? Do you not love me?"

Kyo's heart skipped a beat, his eyes growing wide. How did Shinya know about that? And why was he treating it as though Kyo had kissed Toshiya and not the other way around? Did he not see Kyo pushing the confused bassist away from him? "Shinya, it wasn't what you think," Kyo began.

"It wasn't what I think?! Kyo, you said that you loved him and then you two were making out! When did this start, Kyo? When did you realize having me wasn't enough?" Shinya's shoulders bobbed with silent sobs, his face in his hands, his eyes filled with tears. "Did it not matter? All the times I said 'I love you' or all the times we made love? Has that ever meant a thing to you?"

"Shinya… listen to me, I can explain everything—"

"NO! You're not going to feed me some bullshit like you would if I were some dumb bimbo! I won't fall for your tricks because guess what—I'm a guy! I know all the tricks of the trade, Kyo, I know how a guy's mind works!" Shinya stood and stepped out of the tub, wiping his eyes. He grabbed a towel and wrapped it around his waist, pushing his hair from his eyes.

"Shinya! You have to listen to me! PLEASE!" Kyo said desperately, feeling tears beginning to well in his eyes. What if this was the end of them? After all they had been through together, one misunderstanding would break them up? "Shinya!"

"You know, Kyo…after all we had been through…after we nearly died for each other…I thought we would be together forever, I really believed it—" he placed his hand over his mouth as a sob escaped his lips. "I can't take this Kyo, if I forgive you…you'd do it again…"

"Shinya! Please hear me out, please, it's not what you think!" Kyo stood up to try and reason with him, splashing water on the tile floor of Yoshiki's bathroom.

"No, Kyo. It's over…we're over…" With that, Shinya turned and stormed out of the bathroom, his sobs audible all the way down the hall. Kyo stared at the open door, everything seeming to stop around him, his eyes wide. That was it…him and Shinya…were over.

The hot tears running down his face brought him back to reality and he wiped his eyes, picking up a towel off the floor and wrapping it around his waist. He moved over to the door and shut it, not caring to lock it. At first he felt only sadness and then he looked at himself in the mirror and saw his red puffy eyes. Suddenly he was overwhelmed by anger and knocked the nearest thing to him over—Shinya's bag. The contents of the bag spilled all over the floor and Kyo sunk to the ground, his head in his hands.

His foot nudged against something and he saw that it was a small first aid kit. His eyes grew wide as he stared at it, realizing it was the one from his house. Why would Shinya bring that with him? Kyo looked at everything else that had spilled and saw that almost his entire medicine cabinet was sprawled across the floor. He reached down and lifted it, opening the small box and seeing his old razors still in the box. He felt so horrible right now, he wanted to scream—whenever he had felt like that in the past he'd cut himself. Kyo reached down nimbly and with his shaking hand lifted the cleanest razor from the box.

He stared at it for a long time, unsure if he should use it again. Shinya wouldn't like it, they had talked about his old habits and Kyo said he quit. 'Shinya's not here, he left you…he doesn't care', Kyo said to himself. Just the thought of that, Shinya never being with him, made him so badly desire the release of the thin blade.

Kyo stretched his forearm out, resting his arm on his bent knee and pressing the very edge of the blade to his wrist. For a moment he hesitated but then pressed down as hard as he could, dragging the razor across his wrist and hearing the subtle tear of his flesh. As the blood dripped down his arm and onto the floor he felt the sting and sighed with relief. He placed the blade just below the previous cut and pressed harder than before, running the blade deep into his flesh, watching blankly as the blood surface and dripped down his arm.

It hurt but only for a little, then it turned to relief—it was just what he needed.

"Do you have any idea what is going on?" Yoshiki asked Kaoru, walking around his drive way, his hands in his pockets. He looked up at the guitarist, seeing him shrug and shove his hands in his pocket. "There is yelling and banging and all sorts of things that normally don't happen in my house."

"Maybe everyone is just worked up about what is happening right now, I mean, twice in a row an attempt on our lives has been made," Kaoru sighed. "I just don't know what to do. I mean, everything was really calm for a while and the minute we try to go back to work all these things start happening again. I'm beginning to think it's a sign that our music just isn't meant to be made or something."

Yoshiki frowned. "Don't talk like that, your music is excellent and always growing, you have fans all over Japan and Asia, even in America. Your fans love you, they wouldn't want you to stop making music," he tried to cheer Kaoru up and moved over to him, patting him on the shoulder.

"Yeah, I guess…" Kaoru scuffed his shoe on the driveway. "By the way, have you seen the lovebirds?"

"Kyo and Shinya? Not at all," Yoshiki laughed.

"What?"

"The way you talk about those two sometimes, sometimes you're grossed out and sometimes you're jealous?" Yoshiki laughed again.

"Jealous? Hah, why would I be jealous? Honestly, I think I can go without my ass hurting every morning," Kaoru laughed.

"Well, aside from 'your ass hurting' I'm sure it would be a good relationship. I mean, it's the best kind of love, wouldn't you agree? Like, love between a man and a woman is always condoned, sure there are a few parental issues here and there, but when people come to the subject of homosexuals, they gross out and discourage it. Being gay isn't easy and having a partner while being gay isn't easy either, I'd like to think that after all they go through and are still together—well, its true love." Yoshiki grinned and cocked his head to the side, his face turning red as he realized Kaoru was staring at him. Damn it, why was he blushing? "Kaoru, you okay? You're kind of staring."

Kaoru blushed a deep red and shook his head. "Sorry, I spaced off," he laughed nervously. He looked at Yoshiki and suddenly his eyes grew wide. "What's that dot on your shirt?"  
"Huh?" Yoshiki glanced down and saw a red dot on his chest. "I don't know." He tried to rub it out, but as he placed his hand over it, the dot was on his hand. "What on earth? Does someone have a laser pointer or—" A shot sounded loud in the air and Yoshiki's eyes grew wide as he stared at the gathering red stain on his shirt just over his stomach.

The dot appeared on his chest again and Kaoru moved forward, trying to push Yoshiki out of the way and the shot sounded again, causing both of them to collapse. Kaoru cried out in pain, the bullet having hit him in his calf. Again came the sound of gunfire and Kaoru arched back as the bullet struck his shoulder.

He grabbed Yoshiki and tried to pull him away from the open area, but found he could barely hold his own weight let alone Yoshiki's. Another gunshot was heard and it struck Yoshiki's thigh, making him scream. Kaoru clenched his teeth and grunting he pulling Yoshiki to the other side of the house. Just as he stumbled behind the house a fifth shot was fired and Kaoru collapsed, the bullet striking his shoulder again.

"Yoshiki," he gasped, tears in his eyes as he pulled himself over to where the elder man lie, gasping for air, his hand over his stomach. He reached into his pocket and withdrew his cell phone, wincing as he dialed for help. He pressed the phone to his ear and licked his lips. "Hello? Please, me and my friend have been shot. Please, send an ambulance. We're at forty sixty-seven on Kira Street. Please…hurry—hello? Hello?" He looked at the phone and realized the battery had died.

"Are…are they—" Yoshiki grimaced, trying to catch his breath, his eyes drooping shut.

Kaoru gave his face a light slap. "Keep your eyes open, just stay awake," he told Yoshiki. "They'll come…they'll come…" Kaoru bit his lip, 'Oh god I hope they come.'


	6. Chapter 6

The sobbing drummer shook on his bed as he heard another loud bang, the fifth one in a consecutive row. It sounded like a gun—

"DIE GET OUT OF HERE!"

Shinya winced, even hearing Kyo's voice hurt him and he buried his face in his hands, sobbing. It was all over for him, he had lost his purpose. Kyo was his world, his everything…and it was all gone. All because of Kyo and Toshiya. He had only begun to think of everything that could go wrong from here. The band could break up, he didn't think he'd be able to ever look at Kyo again, or even be in the same room with the short singer.

"Shinya!" Die burst into his room, his eyes wide, a panicked look on his face. "Please come quick, its Kyo!"

Shinya threw a pillow at Die as way to get him out of the room. "I don't care about Kyo anymore—" he covered his face again.

"Shinya, look!" Die held out his hand and Shinya lifted his head slowly, his eyes growing wide as he saw a thick red liquid covering the guitarist's palm. It took him a moment to comprehend the sight before him; it wasn't Die's blood, he had no wounds on him.

"What is that from?" Shinya asked nervously, standing up.

"Kyo…he's—" Die was cut off by another bang and a loud wail. His eyes grew wide as he heard sirens wailing in the distance. "What is going on around here? Have you seen Toshiya? Or Kaoru? What about Yoshiki?"

"Wait, Die, slow down! What about Kyo?" Shinya's hands shook as he began to assume the worst.

"He's bleeding all over the place—Shinya! Where are you going?" Die asked as Shinya pushed past him, his eyes looking red.

"To find Kyo, go find Yoshiki and Kaoru," Shinya said and then he was gone.

Die shook his head, his mind racing. He took off down the hall in the opposite direction Shinya had left in. Everything was going wrong. Kyo, Shinya, his encounter with Toshiya—where was Toshiya? Die had searched up and down the house for the genki bassist and couldn't find him anywhere. He so badly wanted to apologize, to tell Toshiya that he didn't mean any of what he said. He didn't hate him—he loved him. He rushed out the door as the sounds of the sirens of the ambulance reached their maximum loudness.

He watched the back doors of the ambulance burst open and the medics emerged, pulling a stretcher out with them. Die didn't waste anytime, running around the yard and trying to find Yoshiki or Kaoru. He rushed around to the other side and his eyes grew wide. He placed a hand over his mouth and took a step back. Yoshiki was lying on the ground, his pants and shirt covered in blood, his eyes half-lidded, his mouth slacked open. Kaoru was lying face down, barely moving, his lower pant leg showing blood, his shoulder bleeding and a growing stain on his side. His fingers were curled around a dark piece of cloth as though it were his last hope.

He couldn't move or say anything as the medics pushed past him, lifting Yoshiki onto the stretcher and spewing words of his injuries into their walkie-talkies. When he finally came to his senses he moved beside Kaoru, placing a hand on his uninjured shoulder.

"Kaoru…" he whispered, trying to see if the guitarist would respond.

"D—Die?" Kaoru lifted his head a little, tears in his eyes and blood on his lips.

"Hold still, I think another ambulance is coming for you," Die said, feeling his eyes well with tears as he stared at his best friend. Few times had he seen Kaoru in a moment of weakness and this had to be the worst. It was always difficult to see Kaoru seeming so helpless…he was their leader and now he was on the ground, bleeding. Die still couldn't believe his eyes. "Who did this?"

"I don't know…I couldn't see him…" Kaoru paused, taking a moment to take in a few deep breathes. His eyelids slowly began to close, but he jerked his head back up as if determined not to shut his eyes. "He gave me this…"

Die slowly lifted the cloth from Kaoru's hand and held it out to full form. He gasped, realizing what it was—it was Toshiya's shirt! He could see blood on it, the cloth completely torn down the middle. He stared at Kaoru in horror. "Please…Die…find Toshiya—" Kaoru slumped down as the paramedics came with another gurney for him.  
Someone had Toshiya; that someone had tried to kill Yoshiki and Kaoru. What if Toshiya was already dead? Die clenched his fists, not ready to accept that fact. He pulled his car keys from his pocket and rushed over to his car. He had to find Toshiya—and the first place he'd look was Toshiya's house.

Shinya stood in front of the bathroom door in which he had abandoned Kyo nearly an hour ago, shaking as he reached out to push the door open. He prayed to god that he wouldn't see what he feared he would. It didn't matter that Kyo had kissed Toshiya, none of it mattered at that point. He just wanted Kyo to be okay.

He slowly pushed the door open, his eyes growing wide when the first thing he saw was blood. Bright red blood on the floor and dripping from Kyo's arm. Shinya winced as the blade ran through the singer's flesh again, bringing more blood to surface. His eyes slowly welled with tears. "Kyo…" he whispered.

Surprised, the singer jumped, dropping the razor and staring at Shinya in shock. He sat there for a moment, staring at the drummer wide eyed while blood flow freely from the horizontal lines going over his wrist. "GET OUT!" Kyo finally shouted, slapping his hand over his wrist, trying to block Shinya's view of it.

"Kyo, stop…" Shinya rushed forward to embrace him, to hold him and to make him stop. Kyo moved away, standing up and grabbing the small first aid kit. Shinya's eyes grew wider as he realized there were more razors in that box. "Please.."

Without a word Kyo stormed from the bathroom, and rushed down the hall, finding the nearest room and slamming it shut, locking it. Shinya pounded desperately on the door. "Kyo! Please! Open up!" he shouted, trying to hold back his sobs. "Please open up! I'm sorry! Please!"

"You said it was over, that I was cheating! Why should you care now? Don't want a guilty conscience, do you? You want to apologize and be guilt free when I kill myself, right?" Kyo shouted from behind the door.

Shinya's heart skipped a beat as he heard Kyo's words. "Kyo! Please! Don't kill yourself, listen to me!" he began pounding desperately on the door.

"You wouldn't listen to me, and I won't listen to you! Go away!"

"KYO!" Shinya screamed, slamming his fist against the door with all his strength, sinking to the floor. He pounded weakly on the door, sobbing and unable to form words.

"You keep banging on that fucking door I swear to god I'm going to kill myself! I'll cut my throat if you don't stop!"

Shinya got up. He knew Kyo was so stubborn the little singer would do it too. He moved into the bathroom and lifted the razor from the ground, his hand shaking as he stared at all the blood on the thin blade. Just as he was staring at it, his own words echoed in his head, 'What ever you do, I'll do'. He couldn't, he couldn't cut himself, no matter how horrible he could ever feel, he knew he couldn't do it.

…But it was for Kyo. He had to do something drastic to get Kyo to listen…to get him to listen. He jumped as he heard the familiar ring of his phone and he glanced around, seeing his dirty pants on the floor. He reached into the pocket of the pants and pulled out his cell phone, taking a deep breath before he flipped it open and answered it. "Hello?"

"Do it," said the female voice. "Do it, do it for him."

"Who is this?" Shinya demanded, his eyes growing wide.

"You're conscience. Do it, Terachi-san, you have to do it if you want Niimura-san back."

"How do you—"

"Imagine the rest of your life without him, no one to comfort you, to hold you, to make love to you. Do it, Terachi-san, cut deep and make your koibito see what he made you do."

The woman's words brought a sob to Shinya's lips as those thoughts filled his mind. He didn't want that to happen, but he didn't want to cut himself, he would never—

"The longer you wait, Terachi-san, the faster your beloved forgets you. You will be nothing to him if you don't do it. Cut yourself, do it for him. Cut deep with the strength of your passion and let crimson tears of your body drip onto the floor. Call him to you." The line went dead.

He stared at his wrist and the blade in his hand. He didn't want to bleed, he didn't want to hurt himself so, but—for Kyo…he had to…he had to do it. He ran the blade back and forth in the air over his pale flesh, realizing he couldn't do it slowly. Without a second thought and knowing he had to get it over with, he slammed the blade down horizontally on his wrist and dragged the blade through his flesh, wincing and holding back his screams as his blood rushed from the open wound.

Die kicked the door with all his might, feeling some satisfaction as the door flung open with a loud bang. He rushed inside Toshiya's house, looking around frantically for any signs of the genki bassist. "Toshiya!" he shouted, fear clear in his voice. "Toshiya!" He rushed into the bedroom and stop dead in his tracks. He saw blood on the covers and chains attached to the headboard of the bed. "Oh god."

He took a step back before he sunk to the ground, realizing he had been to late.

Toshiya…was dead. He wanted to think that the bassist was somewhere, somewhere else, but all the proof he needed was in front of him. Someone had killed Toshiya and had tried to kill Yoshiki and Kaoru. He bowed his head low, feeling as though he could hear the final cries of his friend, his band mate—the man he wished was his lover.

Die paused, thinking he heard a loud thud, like someone falling. He forced himself to stand and as he heard no sounds preceding that, he realized he must have imagined it. He wiped his eyes and was moving over to call the police, but he heard the rush of water like a shower coming from the bathroom. Not at all thinking it could be anyone else, Die rushed over to the bathroom.

He burst into the bathroom and stopped, seeing Toshiya sitting in the fetal position in the bathtub, the shower curtain wide open and water pelting his flesh. Despite the fact water was already running down his face, Die could see that Toshiya was crying. His eyes were red and his shoulders were bobbing.

Die rushed over to him and tried to wrap his arms around him, but Toshiya shoved him away the minute his arms came near him. "Get away from me!" he screamed, pressing his back to the back of the bathtub and staring at Die with his eyes wide as thought he were a confused animal. "Don't touch me!"

"Toshiya…" Die whispered, seeing the blood being washed from the gaping wound in his hand and the blood staining the water beneath his naked form. He tried to reach out to the injured man.

"Stop! Don't touch me! Don't—" Toshiya couldn't breathe, his sobbing having become so violent. "Please…don't touch me."

"What happened to you?" Die asked, wincing as he thought of the worst possible thing that could have made him act this way.

"Don't look at me…don't touch me…I'm disgusting," Toshiya sobbed.

Die embraced him, not giving him the chance to pull away or scream, trying to hide the fact there were tears in his eyes as well. "Toshiya, don't say that," he whispered, his arms tight around the frail and weak bassist. His hands shook with fear of what might happen from that point, what Toshiya would be like.

"Die…don't leave me, don't let him do it to me again...don't—" Toshiya sobbed into the guitarist's shoulder. "Please…not again…never again. Don't let him get me again."


	7. Chapter 7

_Toshiya continued to squeeze his eyes shut despite the cloth over his eyes, trying to block out the touch of the man. He had to go to a different place in his mind, he had to take his mind away from his body. He tried to imagine Die's smiling face, laughing and jovial, but when rough callused fingers ran over his manhood it snapped him back to reality. He drew his legs together instantly from the touch and bit his lip to keep from crying out. He was in a dark, cold room with a man who was about to do something horrible to him—he couldn't take his mind away from that._

_  
His assailant forced his knee between Toshiya's legs to make him open his legs. He let out a sob as the man achieved his goal and once again began running his fingers over Toshiya's smooth skin. "I'm going to untie you, and if you try to escape I will kill you," he heard the man whispered, but the words barely registered with him. He felt the bonds on his wrists removed as he let them fall limply at his sides. He clutched the sheets in his hands, wincing as the movement pain his once impaled hand, as the man began to lay kisses on his chest._

_  
Toshiya shuddered as the man began to his neck and moved upward, kissing his check, his lips. He wanted to spit in the man's face as he felt a tongue run over his lips, leaving a trail of salvia, but he was too afraid even to let out a sound in fear of being struck. He could hear the man say something, something that made him gag from the mention of it, but he couldn't understand him. The words wouldn't register in his mind._

_  
"Do it now," Toshiya heard and felt a hand trying to bring his head down on something. "Suck it." _

_  
"No!" Toshiya cried out, turning his head away and trying to shift his position on the bed away from the man. He cried out as he heard the tear of flesh and the searing pain soon following across his thigh. "No!" He screamed as another cut came, deeper this time. He wanted to stop protesting, but he couldn't, no matter how many times the man struck him or cut him, he shouted out until his throat was sore as his body was stinging and burning with pain._

_  
"I see how it is," the man said and rolled Toshiya onto his back. Toshiya heard something fall on the floor and he figure it had been the knife. Hearing that allowed his some comfort, but very little do to the fact he was still captive and awaiting a horrible fate. He tried to keep his legs together, but the man pried them apart with great strength and spread them wide._

_  
"Please…"Toshiya whispered, squeezing his eyes shut as he waited for a blow that didn't come. Instead, the man pushed himself inside Toshiya completely, making him scream out so loud that it echoed throughout the empty house with every bit of pain behind it._

Kyo stared at the blood on his left arm, it having dried on his wrist in thick clumps. _'You shouldn't have done that,'_ he heard in his head. Was he having regrets? Or had he lost too much blood and was he hallucinating? No, he always talked to himself, he had done it before. "You told me to," Kyo said softly, still staring at the intersecting cuts.

_'What about Shinya? You promised him you would never do it again; imagine how heart broken he is knowing that you are cutting again. Couldn't you hear the pain in his voice? The sorrow? I think he was trying to forgive you, and all you did was threaten to kill yourself."_e started this all, he wouldn't listen to me, he didn't believe. How can he not trust me? I did nothing, absolutely nothing and yet he feels the need to distrust me. I can't love someone who won't trust me," he responded, shutting his eyes as he felt tears forming in his eyes. He didn't want to cry, he didn't want to feel so unloved and forgotten.

_Didn't you do this to yourself because you want him to love you? You still love him, go back to him, explain to him what happened and don't take no for an answer.' _sat there for a long time, trying to think of what he could do. Shinya wouldn't listen to him, Shinya chose to ignore his pleas. He should suffer as much as Kyo was. Then again, he had chosen not to come out and tell Shinya what had happened between him and Toshiya and why Shinya had seen them kissing.

But if he had told Shinya, there would be doubt in his mind and he would hold a grudge against Toshiya, and Kyo didn't want that. It could break up the band. Yet again, him avoiding Shinya and Shinya holding a grudge him could also break up the band. He didn't want that at all. He rubbed his temples in frustration, wanting to talk to Shinya but unsure if he could handle hearing Shinya yell at him again.

"I have to," he mumbled and forced himself to stand up. He unlocked the door and decided he needed to wash the blood off of his arm first before he did anything. The blood made his arm look worse that it was and he didn't want to worry Shinya more than he already had.

He opened the bathroom door and stood there in shock for a very long time before feeling could be restored to his limbs. Shinya was on the ground, face down, blooding flowing on the tiled floor from deep horizontal gashes in his wrist, just beneath his palm. Kyo rushed forward and turned him over, seeing Shinya's eyes half open. He gently tapped Shinya's face and brought him to reality.

"Kyo…" he whispered softly, his arm shaking as he lifted his blood covered hand and ran his fingers over Kyo's face, smiling at the touch.

"Shinya, what did you do to yourself?" Kyo asked in an unstable voice, his eyes watering as he stared down at the barely conscious drummer. He looked so pale and he couldn't stop looking at the multiple gashes in his wrists that continued to bleed out. "Why?"

"Where ever you go, I'll go…whatever you do…I'll do," Shinya said in a hoarse voice. "You cut yourself…so I did too…because I love you."

"Shinya, you cut too deep, your going to die if we don't get you to a hospital," Kyo whispered and pulled Shinya into a sitting position. Using all his strength he lifted Shinya to his feet, the tall man slouched over low as Kyo took hold of one of the long arms and wrapped it over his shoulders. "You have to try and walk."

Kyo began to feel dizzy as they reached the front door from his own loss of blood and the extra weight of Shinya. He stumbled out the front door, still holding tight to Shinya. He cried out as Shinya slipped from his grasp and collapsed on the ground, moaning in confusion and pain. "Come on, Shin, you have to try," Kyo gasped as he began pulling him up off the ground. "Please Shinya, you have to."

They stumbled past the walkway and Kyo let out a frustrated cry when he realized there were no cars in the driveway. Yoshiki's car was gone and so was Die's, and Kaoru's was in the garage. Kyo didn't have enough time to go back in and drag Shinya with him. He moved over to the garage and set Shinya against the wall, kneeling down beside him and lifting the drummer's arm to see if the bleeding had stopped; it had almost stopped completely, but that didn't remove the fact Shinya had bled out. Kyo turned slightly as he heard the zoom of a car and saw Die's car pull in to the driveway, coming to a screeching halt.

Die jumped out of the car and rushed over to them, his shirt wet and his eyes red as though he had been crying. Kyo breathed a sigh of relief the moment that car had pulled in. "Die, please…he needs a hospital," Kyo said softly, lifting Shinya again.

Despite the fact he was confused and shocked by the sight of Shinya's wrists, the half-awake look on his pale face, Die did not ask questions and helped Kyo bring him into the car. Kyo's eyes widened when he saw Toshiya in the back see, his hair wet, his body shaking, wrapped in a large beach towel, staring at the floor of the car. He didn't even look up as Shinya was placed in the front seat of the car.

Kyo climbed in the back seat and kept at least a foot and a half of distance away from Toshiya, pressing himself to the door. At the moment, though, keeping his distance from Toshiya didn't even matter to him. Shinya was bleeding to death and the longer they waited the less of a chance Shinya had to survive. Die slammed down on the gas pedal, backing out the of the driveway and shifting gears, speeding down the road.

"What happened to Shinya?" Die asked, his voice giving away his fear and nervousness despite the fact his face remained eerily neutral.

"…He cut himself," Kyo said softly, squeezing his eyes shut and the sudden realization dawned on him that it was his entire fault. If he had just listened to Shinya, if he had just been more willing to hear him out…maybe Shinya wouldn't be bleeding, maybe he wouldn't be hurting. And now, he couldn't change any of that. 'Why does this have to happen to me,' he asked himself. 'Wasn't it enough the first time? Are we just not meant to be together?'

Yoshiki pulled himself up in the hospital bed, heaving a heavy sigh and groaning as he did so, his stomach pained greatly by his movement. He glanced at the three IV pouches on the hook that were all being sent to his body. The beep of the heart monitor had grown annoying and somewhat comforting in the fact that he had a stable heart beat. How long had he been in surgery? Where was Kaoru? He stared at the doctor before him, sitting in silence and staring at his chart. "Well? Is there anything wrong with me?" Yoshiki finally asked, becoming impatient.

"No, you seem in good health, aside from the fact you were just shot; we removed all the bullets from your body and there was minimal internal damage," the doctor said. "We'll just need to keep you here another day to make sure that you don't suffer from something we didn't catch."

"What about Kaoru? Niikura Kaoru?" Yoshiki asked, concern clear in his voice. He had been worrying the entire time about Kaoru, praying that he was going to be okay. He had been shot four times, once at close rang, he wasn't sure how much damage there had been.  
The doctor flipped through a few papers on his chart and nodded as he found Kaoru's papers. "He is in stable condition as well. He hasn't woken up yet, but the anesthesia should be warring off soon. There was a lot of internal bleeding, mostly in the intestines, but we were able to fix that and restore him to a god condition."

Yoshiki allowed himself to sink back a bit in his pillows, feeling a little relaxed about the news. "Is there any idea about who may have done this to us? Who would attack us like this?" he asked the doctor.

"I have no idea, but a detective did stop by early to get a report on your health, and so did a very pretty girl," the doctor said.

"A pretty girl?" Yoshiki asked, raising and eyebrow when no one came to mind who would come and see him.

"Yes, some American woman who claimed to be a friend of yours and Niikura-san's. She seemed rather interested in Niikura's injuries; she left the hospital around non, I believe," the doctor looked at his watch, "Please excuse me, I must go check on a few other patients. I'll be back in a bit."

Yoshiki sighed and shut his eyes, trying to take his mind away from the pain in his thigh and stomach and think of who might have a vendetta against him. Sure many other bands had a rivalry with them, but they would not go this far as to mortally wound someone to check a new spot in the charts. The only person he could think of was the American he had mistakenly hired months before, the American who had nearly killed Kyo and Shinya.  
But that made no sense, Seth Rowland was dead, Shinya himself had killed him (and Yoshiki feared that the drummer had never gotten over it). He didn't understand how one person could hate someone so much that they would try to murder them. It made no sense, yet again, very few things made sense anymore. Maybe relatives of Seth were out to get him? No, that couldn't be it. Or could it?

He groaned and turned onto his side, trying to find a comfortable position that wouldn't cause him pain, which at the moment seemed near impossible. He heard the door open and the clicking of heels on the ground, immediately thinking it was a nurse. He didn't bother to open his eyes, he was so tired. It must have been the affects of the anesthesia.  
Yoshiki winced as the IV became cold and began pumping a cold liquid into his veins. He opened his eyes slightly and saw the nurse walking away. "Nurse!" he called out, wanting to know what she had just injected into the IV. "Nurse!" She was already gone. He shut his eyes and figured he would ask the doctor about it.

For a while there was just silence, but then an annoying buzz began to fill the room until it became unbearable. Yoshiki opened his eyes to look around, but the room was spinning and everything was blurring together. His eyes rolled back as his limps began to shake violently, twitching uncontrollably. The last thing he could remember hearing was a woman shouting, "Doctor! He's having a seizure!" And everything turned black.

"Why would he cut himself?" Die asked, glancing back at Kyo, his expression showing his incredulity.

"For me…he felt that if he cut himself I wouldn't be mad at him," Kyo felt another pang of guilt, his heart wrenching. Why would Shinya feel that that was what he had to do? Why would he think that?

And then he remembered, sitting in the back of Die's car. They had been talking about how Kyo used to cut himself in the back of the car and Shinya had commented on it. If Kyo ever cut himself, he would have to do it too.

"Were you two arguing? About what? What would make you two so upset that you would cut yourselves?"

"He thought I was cheating on him…and when I tried to explain what had happened to him he wouldn't listen and said we were over…I couldn't take it," Kyo said softly, drawing his knees to his chest on the car seat. "He caught me cutting, like you did, and he figured the best way to get me back was to cut himself too. He didn't know what he was doing…he cut too deep."

Die didn't respond, he only stared out the windshield. Kyo looked at Toshiya, noticing he still hadn't moved from his position and he probably hadn't looked up. He reached out to place a hand on Toshiya's shoulder and get his attention, but as soon as his hand touched Toshiya, the man pressed himself against the car door, staring at Kyo with wide eyes.

"Toshiya, what is it?" Kyo asked in surprise with the man.

"Don't touch me!" Toshiya screamed, the towel falling to his sides. "Don't touch me! Don't touch me!"

"Oh god," Kyo gasped as he could see the gashes on Toshiya's naked thigh, his face was severely batter, his hand was covered with blood, and he had a large bruise on his stomach. "Die…what happened?"

"I don't have enough time to explain it," Die said, swerving sharply into the hospital parking lot. "Just don't touch him, he won't let anyone touch him." Kyo could hear the sudden sadness in Die's voice as he spoke the words. Die pulled into a parking space and jumped out of the car, opening the door and pulling the towel back onto Toshiya to cover his nudity. Kyo got out of the car and open the front door, pulling a barely conscious Shinya out with him.

Die and Kyo moved as fast as they could to get into the hospital and the minute they stepped through those sliding doors nurses were rushing forward and within minutes gurneys came for Toshiya and Shinya. When one of the male doctors tried to help Toshiya onto the gurney, he screamed and cowered away from him, pressing close to Die. When a female doctor placed a gentle hand on his shoulder, he reluctantly let them help him onto it, his eyes filling with tears.

Shinya was lifted limply onto the gurney and rushed immediately away as two other nurses came to examine Kyo and Die. "Sir, are you bleeding?" one of the woman asked Die, spotting the blood on his shirt.

"No…its not my blood," he said solemnly and plopped down in one of the waiting chairs.  
"Sir, your arm!" the other nurse cried, staring at Kyo's torn and tattered flesh. "Please come with me, we might need to stitch those."

"I'm fine," Kyo growled, not all concerned for his health as much as he was concerned for Shinya and Toshiya. He also needed to find out what was making Toshiya act the way he was acting.

"Just go Kyo, we don't want anymore problems," Die sighed, rubbing his temples. As he watched Kyo wander off with the nurse he began rubbing his temples, remembering that Kaoru and Yoshiki had been rushed to the hospital as well, but he was unsure if it was the same hospital they were in or not. He needed to check.

"Die?"

He turned around, his eyes widening as he watched Sara rush over to him, her eyes red and puffy. Her make up was running and it was clear she had been crying. "Sara, what are you doing here?" Die asked in shock as he stood up to greet her.

"I got a call, Yoshiki-sama and Kaoru-sama, they be hurt!" she began to sob, burying her face in Die's chest. "They maybe die!"

"Relax Sara, I'm sure they're going to be okay, they're both very strong," Die whispered to her despite the fact he ad his doubts as well.

"Die, we talk alone?" she asked, looking up at him.

"Um…yeah, sure, I think there should be an empty room around here; is it something serious?" Die glanced around and brought her down the hall, looking for a private or empty room. When he found one he moved inside it with Sara and shut the door gently behind him. He sat her down in one of the chairs as she continued to sob. "What is it?"  
"Why didn't you tell me that you were in love with another?" Sara asked, her crying ceasing as she stared at him. At first Die didn't realize it, but her American accent completely disappeared as she spoke the fluent words.

"Excuse me?" Die asked, raising an eyebrow and staring at her in shock. Where had she learned to speak such amazing Japanese?

"Why didn't you tell me you were in love with that faggot of a bassist?" she growled, giving him an angry look. "You never once mentioned you were a fag, never once did you say you didn't like fucking girls. Leading me on like that, you sick fuck. That idiot got what he deserved."

Die suddenly felt uneasy as she laughed. How did she know about what happened to Toshiya? Where did she learn to speak such amazing Japanese? Why was she accusing him of being in love with Toshiya? "Sara, what are you talking about?"

"Don't pretend you don't know, Daisuke, you love men. You just want to fuck them all, don't you? Damn faggot, you all should die." She growled. "After all, you and your other ass-pirates did kill my brother."


	8. Chapter 8

"I wanna see Shinya," Kyo growled in a low voice as the nurse continued to bandage his arm. He didn't need stitches, but apparently the cuts were rather deep. They had cleaned the blood off of his arm and gave him a tetanus shot from the use of the razor. He didn't care, though, he wanted to see Shinya.

"Excuse me?" the nurse asked, not understanding him for a moment. Clearly she wasn't with the bunch who had met them at doors with gurneys.

Kyo looked at the doctor who continued to fill out his chart. It was rather aggravating that he wasn't saying anything and just continuing to write. "Sensei, I wanna see Shinya," he said again.

The doctor turned around and smiled at him creepily, sending chills up Kyo's spine.

"Nurse, can I ask you to lease the room? I have things of a personal matter to discuss with Niimura-san," he said and waited till the nurse left and had shut the door before he sat down near Kyo. "To my understanding this is your fourth visit to the hospital in under two months."

"Yeah," Kyo rolled his eyes, fingers the gauze bandages over his cuts. "I'm having a little trouble with foreigners."

"Really? Are you being attacked or mugged? It says here you came in once needing to have a stab wound stitched, bullet removal, psychological disorders from head trauma, bruises and battering and now severe cuts up and down your arm," the man said. "This is not healthy, Niimura-san, I don't know if you involved in the occult or something of a dangerous and questionable nature, but you must cut down on these activities that are causing you harm."

"It isn't me, its some mother fucker playing with us. Last month some idiot tried to kill me and my lover, and they have tried to kill us again this week by cutting Shin's break cables," he growled, standing up and walking towards the door.

"Where are you going, Niimura-san?" the doctor asked in a low, almost threatening tone.  
"To find Shinya, I don't need to be question like this," Kyo growled, glancing back to see the doctor's reaction. The man stood up and reached into his pocket, withdrawing a syringe filled with a strange orange-yellow liquid. "I already got the stupid tetanus shot, so I'm leaving."

"Don't count on it," the doctor said in a low grow, grabbing the back of Kyo's shirt and slamming his against the closed door. Kyo cried out in shock and then spun around, trying to face the doctor. He had an evil look on his face, his eyes narrowed and his dark eyes holding a deep, burning hatred. Kyo planted his hands on the man's chest and shoved him back with all his strength. As the doctor stumbled back, Kyo yanked at the door, unable to get it open.

The doctor jingled his key ring. That was right, doors locked automatically when you shut them. For a split second, Kyo felt pure fear and nothing else. Fear that he would never see Shinya again, fear he would never get to apologize, fear of losing everything. He had the feeling of déjà vu, he had been in this sort of situation before—only this time Shinya wasn't here to save him if he got into something he couldn't handle.

The room wasn't large enough to have a full blown fight and that was working to this man's advantage. He took the plastic casing off of the syringe and grinned as he pressed down on the pump and some of the liquid squirted onto a magazine on the counter. The liquid began to eat through the paper and Kyo's eyes widened—battery acid. The man rushed at him, holding the syringe out. Kyo ducked down low and moved past him, opening the draw on the far end of the room and grabbing the first thing he saw—another syringe.

He pulled off the plastic cap and pulled back the pump on it, drawing nothing but air into the syringe. As the doctor stood up he laughed at Kyo. "You have nothing in there, Niimura-san, you can't kill me with that," he laughed again. Something about his voice, the way he had said 'Niimura-san'…it sent chills up Kyo's spine. "Fighting me is useless, I will win, I always win. And even if you do kill me, all your friends will be dead. Hayashi-san, Andou-san, Hara-san, Niikura-san, and most important, Terachi-san."  
"Don't you lay a hand on any of them, especially Shinya," Kyo growled, wanting to lunge at the man but knowing he was supposed to be defending himself.

"Oh, but I'm not the only one pulling the strings on you glorious little puppets," he laughed. "Who do you think got Shinya to cut himself? Never would a man as wimpy such as he take it upon himself to make such a discussion…he needed a little…encouraging. Though I wish he would have cut deeper, then he really would be dead." The man sighed and started at the syringe in his hand. "Well then, I suppose this enough chit-chat, I think it is time for you to die, Niimura-san."

"Your brother?" Die gasped, suddenly realizing what she was saying.

"Yes, that's right. Your little faggot drummer stabbed my brother in the heart and killed him last month! Or have you forgotten?" Sara took a stepped towards him, backing him up against the wall of the room. "Haven't you ever thought about my last name, 'Lowrand'? You switch the 'l' and the 'r' and you get 'Rowland'. You killed my brother you sick fuck!"

Die had to duck low as she swung at him and he heard a clink against the wall where she had tired to strike him. In her hand she held a knife and she grinned at him. "I should have had Kazame kill Hara-san so you could know what it feels like to lose someone you love!" she swung at him again, missing as Die moved out of the way. "Oh yes, Die, Kazame is the one who had so much fun with your beloved. He said it was fun and he'd like to screw someone else, maybe the other pretty one? Terachi-san? Maybe even Hayashi-san."

Die's hands shook with anger. "You bitch…you're the one…who had Toshiya…" he couldn't speak he was so angry. A sudden wave of guilt washed over him as he realized what Toshiya had been trying to tell him—Sara was not what she seemed. If only he had listened to Toshiya maybe…just maybe he wouldn't be the way he was at the moment.  
"Who had pretty, delicate Hara-san raped, yes, it was all my plan. According to Kazame Hara-san fought it a lot. I'm surprised he isn't dead, but he soon will be," Sara laughed. "Oh yeah, you might want to know this, Kazame said he heard Toshiya sobbing, 'What will Die think?' after he finished with that fag."

"Wait, before you kill me: Who is Kazame?" Die said quickly, trying to stall and figure out how he would get himself out of this situation. He didn't know how strong Sara was and he had no idea what else she has concealed on her person, all he knew was that he had to stall her long enough to get some sort of plan.

"Kazame is my husband," Sara smiled at the shocked look on Die's face.

"But…he raped Toshiya…and…and I thought your family hated Japanese people," Die said, surprised by the answer. That didn't make sense. Why would she be bragging about her husband raping and trying to kill someone.

"So? My husband is bisexual. My brother hated the Japanese and homosexuals, Kazame and I just like to kill—makes sex real kinky, you know?" Sara laughed at Die's disgusted look. "I specialize in close up confrontation, Kazame is a sharp shooter. Yes, Daisuke, that is right, Kazame is the one who shot Hayashi-san and Niikura-san. Oh yes, and I'm the one who got Terachi-san to cut open his wrists. Awfully gullible and emotional man, isn't he? I wish he would've cut deeper, then he would bleed to death and understand how my brother felt as he died!"

Die didn't move out of the way in time before Sara swung again, stabbing the blade into his forearm. She yanked it free, grinning as his blood dripped down the blade. Die screamed and bit his lip to silence himself, clutching the wound and giving her a pained look. She was laughing and smiling—was Sara some sort of sadist? "Oh Daisuke, stop screaming, if you just hold still it won't hurt so much," she laughed even more, "oh wait, yes it will. I'm going to make you beg for death before the end."

The guitarist rushed past her as she swung at him, tripping over his own feet and sprawling across the ground. He rolled on his back just Sara jumped down him, straddling his stomach and her feet pinning down his forearms. When she had jumped something clattered onto the floor just above him. Before he could react Sara wrapped her fingers around his neck and squeezed down hard.

Die tried to push her off of him, but he couldn't. He had gotten one arm free and was trying to claw up at her, but the lack of oxygen was making his throat and chest burn. He began open and closing his mouth, trying to gather air to no avail. His eyes were watering and he could see lights flashing in front of his eyes.

He reached up, feeling desperately for whatever Sara had dropped and prayed it was a weapon. His head was pounding, he could hear his heart beat in his ears, his chest was burning as though it was on fire. At that moment, Die truly believed he was going to die, and he would never get to tell Toshiya how he felt—and then he grabbed the cold object. And it was a gun.

Sara's eyes grew wide and she withdrew her hands from around his neck as she realized the neck had fallen from her jacket. Die drew back the hammer and pointed the gun at her as she moved slowly away from him; he began gasping and rubbing his throat, pulled himself into a sitting position. "Now lets be rational, Daisuke, there is no need to kill me, don't you remember? We've been seeing each other."

Die lowered the gun slightly as she moved forward and he stood up, a blank expression on his face as moved to embrace him. "You see, Daisuke, honey, I love you," she said almost in a disgusted tone.

There was a long paused before Die responded with, "I love you too." Sara smiled and suddenly came the shot of the gun. Sara's eyes grew wide and she took a step away from him, staring down at the hole that dripped blood from her chest onto her white shirt. Die pointed the gun at her head. "Die…" she said softly, her hand over her chest and tear welling in her eyes. He turned his eyes away as he pulled the trigger; he only looked back as she collapsed to the ground, the bullet having entered her skull right between the eyes.

He slumped to ground, dropping the gun and burying his face in his hands. He was trying to comprehend the fact that he had just taken a life. What would Toshiya think of him? Knowing he was a murderer? Then it dawned on him: Toshiya! He had to go make sure Toshiya was okay. Die swung open the door and ran down the hall, not taking notice as people rushed into the empty room, nor did he notice the screams of a nurse as she found Sara's lifeless body.

Kyo rushed under Kazame's arm as he swung downward at him, the pointed end of the needle aiming directly for him. They had been playing this game of 'cat and mouse' for the last five minutes, Kyo doing whatever it took to avoid being stabbed with that syringe. As he swung at him again, Kyo tried to run past him as he had been doing, but Kazame tripped him and sent him onto his back.

For a split second Kyo thought he was done for, seeing as the man could stab him in a second, but now, he knelt down over Kyo and made sure the syringe was in view. "It would be a shame just kill you now, not when we have all this time," Kazame said, running his hand over Kyo's chest and down his torso, his fingers sliding barely beneath the edge of his shirt. "Toshiya was so much fun, I wonder how you would be."

"You sick bastard!" Kyo spat, trying to wiggle out from beneath him.

"Stop it, we wouldn't anything to happen to that pretty face of yours, now would we?" Kazame asked, allowing the needle to get close enough to Kyo's face if he moved but an inch it would pierce his flesh. Kyo stopped fighting against him and stared at him intensely. Kazame grinned and slipped his hand beneath the waist of Kyo's pants and the elastic of his boxers, rubbing his hand hard against him.

"S—stop," Kyo stuttered, his face turning red as his anger began to build. He was also deeply disturbed, he didn't like what was happening, he didn't want it to happen. Kazame covered Kyo's mouth with his own and forced his tongue inside Kyo's mouth. It was disgusting, Kyo felt like he was going to vomit—between being kissed and the doctors hand being where it shouldn't be, Kyo didn't know how much more of it he could take. He felt sick. Kazame withdrew his hand to unbutton Kyo's pants, dragging them down it his thighs.

"Stop!" Kyo shouted as Kazame slid his hand beneath the elastic of his boxers again, fondling his manhood. He sqeezed his eyes shut, his anger beginning to turn to desperation, realizing if he tried to fight it Kazame would inject him with the battery acid. He balled his fists and clenched his teeth as the man's fingers found his entrance. "Get away from me!" Kyo shouted. Kazame dropped the syringe and slapped Kyo so hard across the face his neck cracked loudly as his head snapped to the side.

Kazame pulled away as a loud bang echoed throughout the building and he grinned. "Ah, Sara," he laughed, but his laughing suddenly ceased. He touched his neck were he felt an odd stinging sensation and felt a syringe there, the pump having been pushed down. He stood up and saw Kyo staring at him grimly, no longer holding the syringe full of air that he had held onto. Slowly Kazame realized what had happened.

He stumbled around for a moment, feeling dizzy as the large amount of oxygen rushed to his heart. He finally collapsed on the floor, his hand clutching the syringe protruding from his neck.

Kyo pulled himself up to sit and leaned against the wall, curling his knees to his chest and lowering his head. He felt horrible, between the sickening touch of Kazame and the fact he may have just killed him by injecting oxygen into his blood stream, he didn't know what to do. The door opened from the outside as a security guard forced open the door and he gasped when he saw Kazame on the ground. He looked at Kyo, his eyes softening at the distressed look on his face, his pants at his thighs. The security guard must have been using those details to conclude something.

He moved silently over to the body and flipped Kazame over. He pulled out his walkie talkie after examining the body. "We have a cold one in room 304, he's dressed as a doctor but has no tags," he said into the walkie-talkie. "This guy isn't even a doctor."

"Hayashi-san? Can you hear me?"

Yoshiki's eyes fluttered open at the sound of the doctor's voice. He saw several nurses and the doctor around him. Again he heard the faint beeping of the heart monitor and he sighed with relief. What on earth had happened to him? "Yeah, I hear you," he said quietly. "What happened?"

"You were slipped a lethal dose of liquefied Trandamine, a powerful sleeping drug," the doctor explained. "You began having a seizure and we had to sedate you. Don't worry, the seizure didn't cause any damage to you."

"Are you serious? Someone slipped me something?" Yoshiki asked, his eyes wide. "Did you catch them? I think it was a nurse—I thought I saw a woman—"

The doctor looked nervously at the other nurses and they took that as a signal to leave. After they all left the doctor sighed and rubbed his temples. "An hour ago the bodies of an American woman and Japanese convict were removed from the hospital."

"An American woman? Sara?" Yoshiki cried, sitting up in his bed and staring wide eyed at the doctor. "Is Sara dead?"

"Yes, she was shot twice, once in the stomach and once in the head. The Japanese convict, Utsuku Kazame, had a lethal dose of oxygen injected into his jugular vein and he died within a few moments after that," he explained.

"Who shot Sara?" Yoshiki asked, still trying to figure out why she would be shot in the first place.

"I did." Yoshiki looked up and saw Die walk into the room, favoring his arm that was tightly bandaged. He had bruises on his neck in the shape of hands and his face was solemn. "Sara tried to kill me…Yoshiki, we all need to talk, me you, and the rest of the guys. Kaoru is okay and he is recovering, Shinya is waking up, Kyo needs some calming down and we still don't know what to do about Toshiya. We need to do something."

"Wait, what happened to Toshiya? What happened to Kyo and Shinya? I don't understand what is happening," Yoshiki bowed his head.

"You'll find out, but we need to have a private meeting."


	9. Chapter 9

"Toshiya," Die said softly as he entered the hospital room, seeing Toshiya sitting cross-legged on the bed, staring down at his bandaged hand in a hospital gown. He didn't look up or acknowledge Die, he only continued to stare at his hand. He needed Toshiya to come with him to Yoshiki's room, but according to the doctor he refused to move from his bed. It hurt Die so much to see Toshiya this way and he couldn't help but blame himself. If only he had listened to Toshiya, if he hadn't have pushed him away…maybe things would have been different, maybe everything would have been all right.

"Please look at me, Toshiya, please," he whispered, lightly tapping beneath his chin so Toshiya would look at him. "Please…say something…I don't want to see you like this."

Toshiya didn't respond, he stared into Die's eyes in an almost emotionless manner. Die couldn't take it, staring into eyes that had once been so full of life and were now dull and blank. He leaned forward slowly, licking his lower lip with uncertainty and pressed his lips to Toshiya's. He allowed the kiss to linger, feeling as though he never wanted to break away from the soft warmth of Toshiya's lips. His heart raced, it was what he had so long desired to do.

He forced himself to pull away and he stared at Toshiya, waiting for a reaction. Slowly Toshiya lifted his hand pressed his fingers to his lips and his eyes widened as he realized what had just happened. "Die…" he said softly, his eyes beginning to water.

"Wait, before you say anything, I need to tell you something," Die said softly, placing his hand over his chest. He gulped, realizing there was no turning back. "I love you…I've always loved you…

"I mean, ever since we formed, really, I've noticed you. I just thought it was admiration at first, I mean, you were so amazing and energetic, I guess I wished I could be you. Over time, though, that changed…I wanted to be with you. I kept trying to tell myself otherwise, I used to scream at myself for even thinking about it, but I couldn't deny it. So I avoided you and I thought those feelings left," he bowed his head low. "They didn't. After we had dealt with Seth and Kyo and Shinya got together, I think seeing them together made me want to be with you; it gave me hope. Whenever you got close I was scared and I pushed you away, I didn't want to ruin out friendship…"

Die refused to look up at Toshiya's face, expecting it to hold a look of disgust. "I—I understand if you don't want to be with me, or if you don't want to be my friend. I just had to tell you, I had to tell you why I hurt you in that hallway. I never meant for it to happen. I'm sorry…"

There was a long silence and the only sound that could be heard was the breathing of the two men. Finally Toshiya spoke, "Why would you love someone who has become as disgusting as me?" he asked softly.

Die lifted his head and stared deep into the forever scarred eyes of the bassist.

"Toshiya…don't say that about yourself," he implored softly.

"But its true…I'm disgusting," he whispered, bowing his head as tears began to well in his eyes, the painful memory rushing back to him.

"You're not disgusting…you're beautiful," he tapped his fingers beneath Toshiya's chin again, bringing his face into view. "What that man did was wrong and you should never blame yourself for it. I don't want you to think you are unworthy of anyone's love."

"…Die, if I say I love you…will you love me back?" Toshiya asked in a quiet voice, looking away to avoid Dies eyes as he asked the question.

Die didn't respond, he merely leaned forward and pressed his lips to Toshiya—it was the best answer the bassist could hope for.

"Kyo!" Shinya cried as Kyo walked in, his heart racing as he had received the news that Kyo had been attacked. He pulled himself out of the bed and moved over to the little singer, wrapping his arms around him and savoring the warmth of his lover's body. He had had that feeling again, that he was going to lose everything he loved. Kyo said nothing as he pulled away.

"I'm sorry, Kyo," Shinya bowed his head. "I should have listened to you, I should have heard your side of the story. I…I don't care if you don't love me any more, just please, be with me—"

"Shinya, please…let me explain what happened," Kyo finally said, withdrawing somewhat as he pushed away his clouded thoughts. Was this how Shinya always felt? Knowing that he had killed someone? "You saw me kissing Toshiya, yes, but it is not what you think it is. He was upset about Die yelling at him, he was confused and began accusing me of hating him. I told him I loved him, I expected him to take it in the friendship sort of manner…I guess he thought otherwise…

"Don't be mad at him, please, Shinya. He was upset…people do dumb things when they're upset," he sighed, staring at the bandages on his arm. He then looked at the stitches on Shinya's arm and his eyes softened somewhat. "Why?"

Shinya stared down at his wrist and rows of stitches that went across his flesh. "I wasn't going to do it, but someone called me…they began messing with my head…and I did what they told me. They said if I ever wanted you back I had to cut myself…" he blinked his eyes shut. "I didn't know…I didn't know what to do…I just wanted you to stop hurting yourself so bad I was willing to hurt myself…" He paused and stared at the look on Kyo's face, like he was lost in thought. "What happened?"

Kyo looked away from Shinya, he didn't want to tell him what had happened in that room, being attacked, murdering Kazame, being helpless beneath the twisted man…  
"Please, Kyo, something is bothering you…tell me," Shinya begged, looking on the verge of tears. He didn't want any more secrets between them, and by the look on Kyo's face Shinya knew something was plaguing him.

"He was helping her, helping her destroy us," Kyo said softly, his eyes filled with sadness. Shinya didn't understand what he meant; yet he remained silent. "He tried to hurt me…to do things to me…" His voice trailed off and he clenched his fist, digging his nails into his palm. "I killed him…I killed him…"

Shinya wrapped his arms around Kyo and shut his eyes, trying to bring his thoughts into focus. He had killed someone, it had been to save Kyo…he couldn't forget it. And now Kyo had to suffer with the knowledge that he had killed someone. He didn't want Kyo to feel responsible. He wanted to take Kyo's pain away.

He bowed his head down and pressed his lips to Kyo's. Just as he was about to pull away he felt Kyo's hand on the back of his head, stroking his hair as the kiss elevated and turned passionate. Kyo was first to pull away from the gentle kiss and he stared at Shinya, taking his hands in his. "I love you, Shinya…please don't ever doubt that again…for the sake of us, don't ever doubt me again…"

They had all gathered in Yoshiki's room, sitting in uncomfortable chairs in a circle. Kaoru and Yoshiki sat beside each other, both in hospital gowns. Shinya sat beside Kyo, running his fingers over his stitches arm, and Die sat beside Toshiya, who stared at the ground and refusing to lift his head.

"What happened to you two?" Shinya asked Yoshiki, eyeing the two of them with curiosity.

"We were shot and nearly killed," Kaoru sighed. "Guys…we have to do something about all of this…we've all been injured…we have to find who is doing all of this—"

"I already found out…" Die said quietly. "It was the girl I was dating, Sara…Toshiya was right about her all along, she and her husband, the one who hurt Toshiya, have been behind the attacks…but she's dead—"

"So is her husband…the doctor…I killed him," Kyo said softly, fingering his bandages.  
Toshiya looked up and stared at Kyo, his eyes glossy. "Y—you saw him? D—did he…?" he bit his lip and lowered his head as everyone's focus turned to him.

Everything was quiet for a long time and Die took Toshiya's hand in his. He leaned over and whispered something in his ear. Toshiya nodded slowly and squeezed Die's hand tightly. "Something happened to Toshiya. After he left the house Kazame took him and beat him…then raped him," Die gulped as he said the words. His hand was growing numb from Toshiya squeezing it so tight, but he didn't care.

There grew an awkward silence amongst them all, their eyes on Toshiya, waiting for a reaction from him. Shinya placed a hand on Kyo's shoulder as the look on his face changed to a lost expression. "Guys…" Shinya began, "What are we going to do? How do we know that more of this man's family won't come after us?"

Kaoru rubbed his temples and stood, reaching over to the crutches that leaned against the wall and balancing himself on them, lifting his injured leg to relieve the pressure. "What are you doing?" Shinya asked curiously.

"I'm going to call the detective and we are going to find out about the two who were attacking us. Die, we need to go to Sara's house," he said.

Despite the constant protesting of the doctors and their detective, they had all checked themselves out of the hospital. Gradually Kyo was returning to normal, finally recovering from the attack and the thoughts of murder. Toshiya was still quiet but he didn't freak out when someone would touch him. Shinya had been making a point of it to hide his arm from the others, ashamed of what he had done. Kaoru and Yoshiki stayed in the car as they had gotten out to try and find something about, they were both on crutches and still trying to gather strength.

Sara's house was enormous in the finest neighborhood Die had ever seen. He had forgotten what a luxurious life she had lived. The detective managed his way up stairs and began to go through the many rooms as Shinya and Die wandered into the living and dining room. Die moved over to the counters and looked through the drawers, finding nothing out of the ordinary.

Shinya moved into the living room and bent down, living a manilla folder off of the coffee table and opening it, seeing that it was filled with large pictures. "Oh god," Shinya gasped. They were pictures of bodies, dead bodies. Sara was standing beside each dismantled body smiling the most innocent smile, their blood on her face or hands. He set down the folder and turned away from the image for a moment. He couldn't understand why he was so disgusted, their videos always involved grotesque things…the fact that those were real bodies, though…that must be it.

Die moved over to the area where Shinya was and opened the folder and Shinya sifted through the CD rack. As he flipped through the grotesque pictures he suddenly cried out in shock—the picture was of him! He was in his room in the image, his guitar in his lap. He went the next picture and slammed the manila folder shut, dropping in on the table.  
Shinya turned around. "You saw the bodies too?" he asked with a disgusted look on his face.

Die simply shook his head and moved over to the rack of CD's were Shinya was. "She's been monitoring us," was all he said. Shinya moved back over to the folder, trying to think of what would make Die act so strange. He gasped as he saw why Die had shut the folder—it was of him and Kyo! They were making love in the picture! He went to the next picture and his eyes widened as he realized it was one of the photos that had been taken of him before Seth died. He flipped it over and saw writing on the back:

"Terachi Shinya, drummer, age 27. Oh Sara, you should see this one, how pathetic he is! So easily frightened! I wish I could've killed him, but someone came and stopped me, a fine specimen. Be sure to show Kazame-san this, I'm sure he'd like a go at this one before I kill him  
--Seth"

Shinya set down the folder and sighed. "Hey, Shinya, you wouldn't believe this," Die waved his hand and beckoned him over to the CD rack. "She owns everyone one of our singles, CD's, DVD's…" He moved over to the desk near by, "Photobooks, magazines we've appeared in, concert posters…she's even part of A Knot!"

Shinya didn't respond for a long time. "What were we dealing with? I don't understand this—"

"Andou-san! Please come here!" It was the detective. Shinya and Die rushed upstairs, seeing Toshiya and Kyo already in the room around a T.V. as the detective slipped a VHS tape inside the VCR. "This was entitled: 'To Daisuke', I figured you might want to see this before we take it in."

Die sat down on one of the chairs in the room, clutching the arms of the chair abnormally tense. The video began to play and at first they heard screaming and crying and everyone's jaws dropped, seeing Sara's husband, Kazame, straddling a woman, slashing at her face and splattering blood all over himself. He looked over in the direction of the camera and smiled. "Honey, what are you doing?" he asked.

"I need you to film something for me incase our plan fails," they heard Sara say.

"Hun, I'm busy, and I don't think our plan on Andou-san can fail," Kazame said.

"Besides, I've already taken care of Hara-san…"

Die felt his arm gripped and he glanced up, seeing Toshiya squeezing his arm as he heard those words and recognized the voice. He turned back to the video. "Please, Kazame, we just need to take precautions with these cases."

Kazame sighed and stood up, walking away from the near dead woman. "If you promise me one thing—I get to play with Niimura-san," he said, taking the camera and turning it so Sara came into view.

"I promise you'll get to play with Niimura-san and maybe even Terachi-san," she said, smiling widely. "Okay, so Daisuke, my dear, if you are watching this, you have done something right—either had Kazame and I apprehended or killed. Either one you have saved your life for the second and the last time. Unfortunately both my parents are dead and Terachi-san killed my little brother, so…you win, I guess. Congratulations. Don't feel bad about getting us caught or killed, you've just saved the hundreds of others who would have come after your death…" there was a long paused and she grinned. "Well then, Daisuke, see you in the next life."

The screen became blank and no one moved for a long time. Finally the detective stood up. "This is a crime scene, now that we have evidence and even a confession, though it won't be doing much since they are already dead," the detective sighed.

"Well…what are we going to do now?" Shinya asked.

"The only thing you can do is move on and try to forget," the detective said, pulling out his cell phone to make a call to the department.

It had been almost a month after the incident and all the wounds were healed, both mentally and physically. Yoshiki demanded that they stay at his home just a bit longer as a precaution and so they did, not wanting to go against his wishes after he had suffered so much for them. Kyo and Shinya were back to their normal selves, Kyo being as grumpy as ever and Shinya simply trying to keep Kyo from attacking Die from his constant teasing. Die was no longer regretting what he had done and he had done his best to push the memory from his mind. It had become obvious that Die and Toshiya were seeing each other, since they never left each other's sides.

Die was uncertain about Toshiya, unable to tell if he had been able to get over what had happened to him. He was back to his normal self and no one dare bring up what had happened to him or question him about it. They clearly didn't want him in the state he had been in.

"God dammit, Toshiya!" Die laughed as he heard Kyo's loud yell. "I swear you're planning this stuff! GET OUT!"

Toshiya came giggling around the corner and leapt at Die, having the red-head catch him and plant a kiss on his lips. "Walk in on Kyo and Shin-chan again?" he asked laughing and spinning Toshiya in his arms.

"Yeah," Toshiya grinned and kissed Die again.

"God dammit you two! Go to your rooms now if you're gonna do that! I swear to go I'm the only straight one left in the band," Kaoru said and walked out, shaking his head and wandering off into the kitchen.

Die giggled as he pulled away from the kiss and looked at Toshiya. "Not a bad idea?" he laughed. He and Toshiya, kissing each other on the way there, stumbled into the bedroom and shut the door behind them. He leaned Toshiya over the bed and kissed his neck, sucking on the salty skin and running his hand over the bassist's clothed chest. He felt Toshiya tugging at his shirt and he pulled away from the kiss, realizing what Toshiya meant by the action. "Toshiya…are you sure you want to…I mean—" Die began.

Toshiya kissed him longing and passionately. "Yes Die, I want this."


	10. Chapter 10

Die's hands explored Toshiya's body, running over his chest and waist while continuing to kiss the bassist. He fumbled for a while with the buttons on his shirt and finally managed to open his shirt, staring down at Toshiya's white chest before leaning down and laying gentle kisses on his neck, his collar and his chest. He trailed his lips over the soft flesh over to a nipple, running his saliva-slick tongue over it and moving away for a second for the cold air to raise the indented flesh before he moved back to suck on it and bite it gently.

Toshiya shuddered as Die moved lower, laying gentle kisses all over his body, the touch of those soft lips giving him goose bumps. Die's tongue swirled around his navel and dipped in, making Toshiya shudder again. At first he had been frightened when he realized their actions were escalating, fearing it would be all too similar to his experience with the man, Kazame, but Die was so gentle and calm—he knew it wouldn't be like when he was forced to be with Kazame, he knew Die would be different.

Those thoughts, for some reason, left a speck of uncertainty in his mind though. What if he wanted Die to stop? If he couldn't handle it, would Die stop? Or would he keep going despite his protests? He bit his lip as his mind flashed back to the memory, the pain, his screams as Kazame continued to thrust into him relentlessly and mercilessly until Toshiya lie there, unable to scream or cry out, and take the disgusting treatment.

He kept trying to push that thought away but he couldn't, it kept coming back into his mind as Die moved lower, his callused fingers slowly unbuttoning his pants.

"Die…please wait—" he managed to say and pulled his hands up to cover his face. He took in a deep breath, trying to calm himself.

"This is about 'him', isn't it?" Die asked, moving up to look at Toshiya as he sat up.

"Y—yes…I can't stop thinking about what happened…" Toshiya whispered softly.

Die leaned forward and kissed his forehead. "It's alright. I don't expect you to get over it so quickly. If you feel uncomfortable with this I promise you that I will stop. Any time, Toshiya, you don't want it I'll stop. I am never going to force you to do something you don't want to do," Die said sincerely. "Do you want me to stop?"

Toshiya shook his head, feeling comforted by the words. "No, not for the world," he kissed Die and lied back down on the bed. Die hesitated for a moment but then continued, unzipping the loose jeans and taking little effort to slide them off. He slid his hand beneath Toshiya's back and pulled him into an upright sitting position, covering his mouth with his own and kissing him passionately. The bassist's shaky hands struggled to undo the buttons on his shirt for while, but he managed to get it off and Die let it slide from his figure.

Die leaned back on his palms as Toshiya moved to unbutton his pants, glancing at him nervously every so often. Die could tell he was confused. After a minute Die lie atop Toshiya, both in their boxers and continuing their passionate kiss, the bassist's hands caressing his slim back and running over his clothed bottum. He could feel Die's arousal pressing hard against his stomach and he knew he himself was growing hard with desire as well. He didn't feel uncertain anymore, though he was growing rather nervous.

If they were to continue, would receiving Die hurt as much as it had with Kazame. Would he be as rough and careless as that treacherous man? Toshiya didn't want to think about it, he knew he would find out when the time came, but he couldn't help but feel that something bad could happen. He pushed away the thought as Die moved low, his fingers slowly peeling back Toshiya's boxers and discarding them on the floor. He let out a small cry as he felt Die's fingers running along the shaft of his organ, gently and slowly moving down to his balls and massaging them. He let out a soft moan and bit his lip, squeezing his eyes shut as waves of pleasure were sent throughout his body.

He gasped loudly as Die's lips enclosed over the head, his tongue flicking out at tip and making Toshiya twist the sheets in his balled fists. "Oh god," Toshiya gasped as Die took more of him in, his tongue rolling expertly around the organ. He let out a loud moan as Die began bobbing his head and down, tightening his lips around it to enhance pressure. Every inch of Toshiya's body was tingling with intense pleasure as Die continued his ministrations. He thrust his hips up slightly, begging for more.

Die relaxed his throat muscles to take in all of Toshiya, hearing him moan louder and thrusting his hips up in minute intervals as he continued. He moved faster, bringing his hand up to once again fondle Toshiya's balls, drawing another loud moan from the bassist. He drew his head back somewhat so he wasn't taking in so much of Toshiya and scrapped his teeth gently along the underside of his organ his tongue pressing hard against the pulsating vein.

Toshiya cried out his name as he came, ejaculating the milky fluid into his mouth. Die pulled away from him and swallowed the fluid, kissing Toshiya and allowing any remnants to flow into his mouth as he did so. As he pulled away Toshiya continued to gasp and stare at him dreamily, his head spinning from the rush of pleasure he had received from the previous actions. As Toshiya lay gasping on the bed the red-headed guitarist slowly worked off his own boxers, tossing them on the ground beside Toshiya's. Die pulled him up as his breathing steadied and he leaned back against the large propped up pillows, pulling Toshiya towards him.

"I want you to…" he began. He intertwined his fingers with Toshiya's and led his shaky hand towards his own throbbing arousal, letting out a sharp gasp as Toshiya enclosed his hand over the organ. Toshiya immediately drew his hand away at Die's gasp, fearing he may have done something wrong. Sensing such, Die shook his head and grabbed Toshiya's hand again and putting it back in place.

The guitarist bit down hard on his lip as Toshiya began to slowly move his hand up and down, unsure at first; he wanted Toshiya to move faster but he didn't want to discourage him either. He thrust his hips into the movement, trying to get the bassist to move faster. It was almost painful how sluggish his movements were, as thought the bassist were teasing Die and trying to deny him of the pleasure that would be received from the act.

Toshiya had taken the hint and began moving faster, constantly glancing at Die's to make sure he wasn't doing something wrong or hurting him in anyway. The expression on Die's face was twisted into a look of sheer pleasure as he began thrusting his hips up into the quickly moving hand, twisting the sheets and curling his toes as though he were trying not to moan out. All of his attempts were to no avail, for he moaned out louder and louder with each of his thrusts, calling out Toshiya's name.

"Don't stop," Die moaned out loudly, thrusting harder into his partner's fast-paced movements, feeling himself ready to reach his peek. Toshiya leaned over and Die's frantic lips found his, silencing his moans temporarily as he continued to please the guitarist. Their tongues rolled around together inside Die's mouth, leaving not an inch of the inside of his mouth unexplored.

Salivating as he broke away from the frantic kiss, he let out a loud, low moan as he came on Toshiya's hand. He leaned back, gasping and wiping the sweat from his forehead. Toshiya brought his dirtied hand to mouth and licked some of the come off his fingers, holding out his hand towards Die and stared hungrily as Die sucked on his fingers proactively, removing the last of the bit of the substance.

"Wait here, I'll be right back," Die got up and stumbled out of the bed, moving over to the bathroom and disappearing inside it as he flicked the lights on. Toshiya moved to where Die had been sitting, his heart racing with anxiety. He pulled the covers over his body, staring down at his scarred legs. He didn't want Die to look at those, he didn't want Die to look at anything that Kazame had done to him. This was it, Toshiya realized, he couldn't turn away now. As Die emerged from the bathroom he was caring a small bottle of lubricant with him.

He set it down on the night stand and frowned when he saw Toshiya hiding his lower half beneath the blanket. "Don't hide your body from me," he said softly as he climbed back on the bed on his hands and knees, slowly drawing the blanket from around Toshiya's hips. "Why would you do that?"

"I—I don't want you to see my scars," Toshiya whispered softly, staring down at the discolored lines that formed scars on his legs and running his finger softly over them.

"They're disgusting…"

Die leaned forward and kissed Toshiya gently, running his hand over his naked thigh. "I love every inch of you, don't ever doubt that," he said in a quiet voice, staring sincerely into Toshiya's large brown eyes. He gently pushed him down on the bed and saw the nervousness in his eyes. "Everything is going to okay," he said as reassurance as he reached over to grab the bottle he had set down. He squeezed the mildly warm gelatinous fluid into his hand and spread it over his erection in plain view for Toshiya to see. He wiped the remnants of the fluid on the sheets at his sides and brushed the hair out of Toshiya's face.

He hiked Toshiya's legs onto his shoulders and placed his hands on the bassist's hips, trying to think of anyway he could prepare the man beneath him for what was going to happen next.

Toshiya's heart pounded in his ears as there was a long pause, seeming forever in his mind, that nothing happened. He twisted the sheets again in his balled fists as Die slowly pushed himself inside the bassist, biting down hard on his lip and squeezing his eyes shut. He lie there for a moment, unmoving and pained, wondering if he should tell Die to stop. He decided against it and nodded, watching Die rock back and forth for a moment before continuing, slowly pushing himself in and out of Toshiya.

The pain tore through his lower half like no other, but the thoughts of his lover filling him and making love to him helped to ease the pain and allow pleasure to spread throughout his body. As time passed he found himself gently bucking his hips into Die's gentle thrust that were gradually gaining speed as the pained look left his face and turned to a look that of pleasure. He let out a long moan as Die thrust into him, hitting a spot that made him feel like there were butterflies fluttering in his stomach and sent waves of near dizzying pleasure all throughout his body.

Die began moving faster, pushing harder into Toshiya and trying to hit his sweet spot. Every time he did Toshiya let out a long moan, and hearing Toshiya's sweet moans only made him move faster and deeper until with each thrust he was pushing the entirety of himself into Toshiya's tight heat. The bassist's muscles contracted around him every time he bucked into a thrust, bringing a moan to Die's lips.

Toshiya's toes with numb with pleasure, his fingertips cold and his mind spinning as they continued. He was crying Die's name, begging him to go harder and faster. It didn't hurt, there was no pain like there had been with Kazame, there was only never ceasing pleasure that brought the two lovers closer and closer to their climaxes.

Again and again Die hit his sweet spot, leaving Toshiya dazed and moaning louder, his hands pulling Toshiya down harder onto his arousal that neared release. "Oh god—Die!" Toshiya cried as he came on his and Die's stomachs, letting out unsteady gasps of pleasure. Die continued to push himself into Toshiya, seconds later coming deep inside his partner seeing as the bassist's every muscle had remained tense after his climax.

Die collapsed atop Toshiya, kissing him gently and rolling off on him, wiping off both their stomachs with the blanket. He wrapped his arm around Toshiya and pulled him close. "Die..Die…I—I—" Toshiya gasped, still trying to recover from the act.

"I love you too," Die said, understanding what Toshiya was trying to say. For a moment they lay there in pure bliss, the only sound being their heavy breathing. Just as Die was about to say something, the door burst open, causing both of them to jump into sitting positions.

"Hey, you guys in here? Shinya has this idea—" Kyo stopped dead in his tracks, his eyes wide as he realized what he had walked in on. His faced flushed bright red and he walked out the door, shutting it behind him. They could hear him laughing all the way down the hall.

"Oh great," Die mumbled, hiding his face in his hands. "Can you just imagine what he is going to say?"

"Well…I guess it kind of serves us right, you know? I mean, we walked in on them and laughed our asses off," Toshiya sighed. "Well, what should we do next? I mean, it's the middle of the day and I really don't think we can sleep the rest of the day off—"

"Toshiya…I just remembered something," Die eyes grew wide.

"What?" he asked curiously, seeing a humored look spread across his face.

"Yoshiki's room is right next to ours," he snorted as he held back a laugh.

"And?"

Die's eyes narrowed. "The walls are thin!" They heard Yoshiki yell from the other room. Toshiya and Die instantly burst out laughing, "Sorry!" Toshiya shouted as he gasped for breath, his eyes watering from laughing to hard.

"Let's get dressed," Die suggested, "I think Kyo wanted to tell us something before he saw my ass; he just might go blind tomorrow."

Toshiya laughed as he got out of bed. He walked around to where Die still lay and pinched his buttock. "I think you have a nice ass," he giggled as Die yelped and threw a pillow at him. He picked up his boxers and slipped them on and glanced at Die, noticing he was staring at him. "What?"

"Nothing, you're just so god damn beautiful," he got up and moved over to kiss Toshiya, wrapping his arms around him and covering his mouth with his own. For a while they just stood there, kissing and Toshiya jumped as he felt Die's growing erection poking against him.

"Didn't we just do this?" Toshiya asked as they moved over to the bed, feeling much more confident than he had previously.

"Yeah, but you're just so goddamn sexy I want a round two," Die whispered, sliding his hand between his partners legs.

Shinya turned away, trying to hide his grin as Toshiya and Die walked in, the younger man clearly trying to hide his limp. They had all heard the two moaning and rocking the bed. Several times Yoshiki had to walk to the other part of the house in some sort of attempt to flee the moaning pair, though he had done such in vain. At first Shinya didn't believe Kyo that the two were in bed with each other, but the second time around he had definitely heard them.

Kyo bounded into the living room with a plastic baggy full of ice and tossed it to Toshiya, who just barely managed to catch it. "What's this for?" Toshiya asked, staring at it.

"Your ass," Kyo laughed. "The way you two were going at it you'll need it; don't worry, Shin-chan usually needs an icepack too."

"Kyo!" Shinya scolded, his face turning red as Die burst out laughing and Toshiya glared at Kyo.

"Aw, does Shinny need a wittle icepack for his bum-bum?" Die asked in a baby-talk voice, bursting out into laughter again.

"You know, Kyo, just because they're in a relationship too doesn't mean you need to talk about our sex life," Shinya mumbled. "That'd be like me telling Toshiya how big you are."

"How big is he, anyway?" Toshiya asked with a smirk.

Shinya stared at him with a shocked face as though he could believe that Toshiya had just said that about Kyo—his Kyo! "Oh, pretty damn big, haven't you seen Shinya limping around for days? That's how I could always tell if they had done the dirty," Die laughed, wrapping an arm around Toshiya's shoulders.

Shinya buried his face in his hands, feeling his cheeks burn with embarrassment as Kyo merely laughed. "So…what's with all the sleeping bags?" Toshiya asked as he observed five sleeping bags in a row in the middle of the living room with pillows and blankets.

"You guys inviting people over?"

"Nah, Shinya had this idea. Remember when we were all younger we'd have these big sleepovers at each other's houses and keep our parents up until the crack of dawn? Shinya figured since this is everyone's last night staying at Yoshiki's that we should sleep in the living room like back when we were little," Kyo explained.

"But why our there only five, shouldn't there be one for Yoshiki?" Die asked as he counted them.

"He didn't want to sleep on the floor, the old man says his back hurts, the geezer," Kyo rolled his eyes. "He can be the angry parent who yells at us to go to bed."

"The walls are thin Kyo!" Yoshiki shouted from down the hall.

"Sounds like fun, I'm in. What about Kao-kun?" Toshiya asked, limping over to the couch. He paused for a moment, set down the icepack on his seat and sat on the ice, a cooled expression shadowing his face. It took all of Die's willpower to keep from bursting out into laughter.

"He'll be back later tonight and that's when we start this fun," Shinya clapped his hands together and grinned.

Kyo felt somewhat childish lying on his stomach in a circle of sleeping bags, dunking his hand in a bowl of popcorn and jamming the fistful of food into his mouth. Toshiya was running his fingers through his hair and Die was chugging a can of soda. Shinya was painting his nails a dark purple and Kaoru was trying to take off his socks without actually getting out of his sleeping bag (which was making him look rather ridiculous).

"Mm, I have an idea," Toshiya said, sitting up and crossing his legs as he reached over for some popcorn. "Let's play truth or dare!"

Die laughed and sat up, motioning for the others to sit up as well. "Wow, its been forever since I played that. Let's do it," he said.

Kaoru rolled his eyes as he sat up. "I'm not so sure I should play truth or dare with you guys, I have a feeling four gay guys and one straight guy can't end well," he said half in humor and half in seriousness.

"You just love to flaunt your heterosexuality, don't you?" Kyo gave him a look of a false exasperation.

"Ooo, Kao-Kao is hiding something!" Toshiya giggled.

"Sure, whatever," Kaoru rolled his eyes, removing his socks and glaring at Kyo. "You ate all the popcorn!"

"Who ever HASN'T slept with a man has to go make a new bag," he grinned.

"Oh you little conniving Warumono!" Kaoru growled. "Screw it, get your own popcorn; let's just start the game."

"Okay, I'll start," Toshiya grinned and stuck his tongue out at Kaoru. "Truth or Dare?"

"Mm, Truth; like I'd pick Dare with you asking the questions. Last time we played this with you I ended up naked at midnight with my foot stuck in a mud pit with a lawn security alarm going off and a sprinkler on high-pressure aimed at my ass and crotch," Kaoru frowned.

"Hey, I forgot about that! That was freakin' awesome!" Die laughed.

"You're just no fun, Kao-Kao," Toshiya sighed. "Let's see…truth…truth—oh! Have you ever had a sexual dream—"

"Uh, yea—"

"About a man?" Toshiya finished with a grin.

"…" Kaoru bit his lip.

"Oh my god he has!" Shinya suddenly cried, laughing as he realized why Kaoru was being so quiet.

"Shut up! That was a very confusing time in my life, I didn't know any better," he grumbled, crossing his arms over his chest.

"How old were you?"

"Twenty-three."

Kyo burst out laughing. "Confusing my ass, you little closet case!"

"Watch who you're calling little, chisaii inkei!"

"Don't you mean okiizu inkei?"

"Screw it, you guys; my turn anyway," Kaoru looked around and locked his eyes on Shinya, grinning deviously. "Truth or dare?"

"…Dare," he said confidently, realizing that Kaoru couldn't think of anything that bad, it was Die he would have to worry about if he would ever chose dare.

"Call up Yoshiki's cell and pretend you a female phone sex operator," Kaoru laughed, drawing laughs from everyone else as Shinya's face flushed red. "Ooo, use my cell, he doesn't have the number to it yet!"

Shinya reluctantly took the cell phone and dialed the number for Yoshiki's cell, unable to believe what he was about to do. If Yoshiki found out the man would skin him alive. They all got close to Shinya, having him turn the volume up all the way so they could hear what Yoshiki would say.

"Hello?"

"…Hey baby," Shinya said in his most feminine voice, holding back his giggle as Kyo's face turned red as he tried to hold in his laughter.

"Who is this?"

"The woman of your dreams coming to please you," Shinya responded in a sexy tone, pursing his lips to keep from laughing as Toshiya whispered to Kaoru, "He seems experienced with this".

"Excuse me?"

"…" Shinya covered the phone at tried to think of something to say, shrugging and unsure of what to do.

"Start moaning or something," Die suggested.

"What? I'm not gonna—" he let out a low moan as Kyo rubbed his hand against his crotch. He removed his hand from the receiver and made his sudden gaps and moans sound feminine, biting his lip as Kyo continued to stimulate him.

"What the hell—?"

"Oh my god, ah—" Shinya tried to push Kyo away with his free hand, only making the little singer squeeze down on his crotch and making him gasp sharply. Kaoru snatched his cell phone away from the drummer and snapped it shut immediately.

"Okay, now that I having been mentally perturbed for the rest of my life I think I'll go repress the memory," Kaoru said in an all to calm manner. "No more truth or Dare, my mind has been violated enough by it; I'm going to go take a shower."

"Fine, fine, I think we need rest any way," Toshiya said, "but first—"

"BEER!" Die jumped up and rushed into the kitchen.

"Kyo, cut it out," Shinya giggled as he felt Kyo kissing his neck. There was only pure darkness and Die and Toshiya were asleep after consuming great quantities of beer. Kaoru had gotten in the shower only fifteen minutes previously, leaving Kyo and Shinya the only ones awake.

"Come on Shin, don't you wanna have a little fun?" Kyo asked in a humored voice, running his hand down Shinya's torso as he continued to kiss his neck. "We started early but dumb ole' Kao-Kao got in the way."

"Kyo…we can't…Die and Toshiya will hear us, they're right next to us!" Shinya said somewhat loudly, slapping his hand over his mouth and glancing over at the sleeping pair to see if they had stirred from the sudden outburst.

"You see, they wouldn't wake up if a freakin' truck burst through the wall," he said, poking Die harshly. "Come on, we haven't done anything in over a month. Stupid Toshiya kept interrupting us. Just really fast, please?"

"Kyo, I know we haven't done anything in a long time, but still! What about Kaoru?" Shinya asked harshly, biting his lip as he felt Kyo's hand slide into his pajama pants and begin rubbing hard against his limp organ.

"Kaoru takes hour long showers, remember? We have a good forty five minutes…come on, please?"

Shinya let out a shaky sigh, fighting between his urge to be with Kyo and whether or not Toshiya and Die would wake up. It was between his sense of morality and his desire to be pleasure.

His desire to be pleased won.

Die stirred slowly, something seeming not right. At first he didn't move, his head pounded from his alcohol consumption and his ears were buzzing. Slowly he opened his eyes, staring at the peaceful face of Toshiya and smiling. As his hearing came back he heard something far different from what he expected to be faint breathing. Pants and moans filled the air.

He rolled over and his jaw dropped at the sight. Kyo and Shinya were having sex right in front of him. Both of them were red in the face, not seeming to notice that Die had awoken. Shinya cried out as he came on his and Kyo's stomach and Kyo swore as he came only second after the drummer.

All three of them looked to the hallway as a light flicked on and Kaoru emerged from the hallway with a towel over his shoulders. His eyes grew wide and stared at Kyo and Shinya for a long time. "I—I'm going to go sleep in Yoshiki's room," he said, shutting off the light and disappearing into the dark hallway.

Shinya immediately pushed Kyo off of him and grabbed his discarded boxers and pajama pants, trying to put them on as fast as he could. "Oh my god," it was Toshiya this time, sitting up and realizing that he hadn't been dreaming all those moans.

"Holy shit, you guys are fucked in the head!" Die cried out, scooting away from the two quickly reddening and dressing men. "O—what the fuck…h-holy..ah! I can't even think! Ah, Shinya! You're face was right next to mine! You didn't even cover yourselves or nothing. You could've gone behind the couch to do that—oh my god!"

He couldn't even think straight, the fact that two of his best friend were just screwing each other right next to him…the thought just disturbed him so greatly.

"Told you!" Was all Shinya could blurt out at Kyo before grabbing his pillow and rushing off to his temporary room. Kyo grabbed a pillow and followed shortly after him, giving Die the finger as they began to giggle.

The next morning they all except for Kaoru and Yoshiki sat at the table, drinking coffee and eating bagels and donuts. Kyo gave each of them an angry glare, warning the two not to say a word about what had happened the night before. Instead they spoke of getting back to work, buying Die a new acoustic and how nice the new studio would look.

"You think the label will invest more money into the studio this time?" Shinya asked, drumming on the table with his index fingers and keeping his face down. He did not want to look at them, knowing they would only give him awkward looks about what he had done.

"They better, those cheap bastards. I want two bathrooms, stupid Toshiya always is doing something with his hair and I can never use it," Kyo complain, taking a sip of his coffee and huge bite out of his bagel.

Kaoru walked in with Yoshiki and plopped down at the empty seat at the table and grabbed a donut, staring at it for a moment before taking a small bite of it. "What with you? Wake up on the wrong side of the bed?" Toshiya asked with a grin.

"Actually, I didn't even wake up in a bed! I woke up on the floor with Miyu on my face, because not only is Yoshiki a blanket hog, he is also a bed hog!" Kaoru grumbled.

"Hey, not my fault you roll around in your sleep!" Yoshiki shot back.

"Ooo, Kaoru and Yoshiki, what's going on with you two?" Die laughed as he drank his coffee.

"Nothing, I wouldn't have to have had slept in Yoshiki's bed if someone we all know wasn't so god damn hump happy!" Kaoru glared at Kyo.

"Oh, you bastard! You die now!" Kyo pounced on Kaoru, knocking him backwards in his chair. Shinya burst out laughing and Die held Kaoru down.

Yoshiki watched the five younger men run around and scream at each other, laughing all the while as Kyo continued to try and beat Kaoru. Normally he would get upset by such rambunctious behavior and demand that they cease, but seeing them so happy and laughing—it had taken so long for them to return that way. After everything had been settled down Toshiya didn't talk for another week, Kyo refused to listen to his own music that spoke of blood or killing and Shinya would stare at his stitched wrist for hours on end.

Slowly, though, things had returned to normal and they acted as though they had no memory of the horrors that the Rowland's and Kazame had inflicted upon them. Things were back to normal and that's just how Yoshiki liked it. They had nothing more to worry about. It was finally over.


End file.
